No 0067 - Chow Patent 2 - Vacuum

-Guest post by Sarah

OK, Patrick didn't invent THE vacuum. But he invents vacuums.

According to Patrick, it was pretty random that he first applied to work at iRobot. He liked robots and thought the company was cool. In retrospect, Patrick and iRobot are an absolutely perfect fit. And it's not just because Patrick loves the passionate culture, has totally taken on the extracurricular training and mentoring, and would rather be at work than anywhere else (case in point, we spent our 5-year anniversary going into the office no less than three times so he could check on some parts he was printing). 

But more importantly, and despite his objections to the contrary, Patrick is obsessed with vacuums. And he's quite the connoisseur. Our new house no longer has a central vac, but we do have 1 upright vacuum, 1 shop vac, 1 dust buster, 1 tiny crumb vacuum, 3 Roombas, 1 Scooba, 2 Braavas, and 1 set of tiny vacuum attachments. Even more impressive--or disturbing--Patrick actively uses all of them. 

Anywhere any other person might use any other cleaning tool, Patrick will use a vacuum. Need to clear the kitchen table? Vacuum. Bug in the house? Vacuum. Burnt bits on the bottom of a hot oven? Vacuum. Need to teach your kid to crawl? Vacuum. 

No 0066 - Chow Patent 1 - Everclose Freezer

-Guest post by Sarah

This blog is intended for Patrick's invention ideas, most of which are somewhat unrealistic, quite futuristic, or downright ridiculous. But some of his inventions are not only good ideas, but they've become functioning realities in the Chow household. For that reason I'd like to introduce the Chow Patent Award, to bestowed upon Chow-original inventive solutions to life's little problems.

Chow Patent 1 is awarded for the Everclose Freezer.

Anyone who's visited our home in the last two years knows we have a recurring problem with our otherwise perfectly functioning refrigerator/freezer unit: the freezer door has a tendency to stay ajar.

It took Patrick very little time to diagnose the problem. When a hungry user closes the refrigerator door, the force of the closing bounces the freezer door open. And it just hangs open. It's not open wide enough that you can see from looking across the room, but without a seal the ice cream melts, the outside of the fridge becomes freezing cold, and frost forms all over the inside of the freezer.

Patrick's first attempted solution was to adjust the adjustable door hinge. No good.

His next attempted solution was to load the fridge and freezer doors differently so they weren't at such great risk of flying open. No good.

His next attempted solution was to fix the user error causing the problem ("Just close it gently every time and check to be sure the freezer door is still closed"). Needless to say, no good.

His next attempted solution was to buy a new hinge for the doors and rehang them. No good.

But finally, he hit upon the ultimate, now-Chow-Patented, full functioning solution: Everclose Freezer.

Using only masking tape and fridge magnets (why else would they be called fridge magnets?) he affixed a row of magnets to the freezer seal and though these magnets are individually weak, together they have just enough magnetic power to pull the freezer door closed when it bounces open. Since installation of the Everclose Freezer solution, our freezer has been problem free.

No. 0065 - Zelda: Coin-Op in the Land of Spain

As Sarah and I are journeying through Spain. I couldn't help but wanting to retell my experience this morning in the context of Zelda. So here we go.

Characters:
Link = me
Princess = Sarah

Setting:
Little town of Girona in the nation of Spain

Task:
Do the laundry

Equipments:
iPhone that has ran out of magic (data plan)
50 pieces of Euro
Nalgene bottle of water

Plot line:
So while the Princess is off to her conference for her work, Link has been left to his own devices to get the laundry done in a strange land where his language ability is very very limited.  His ever so trusting tool of choice, the iPhone 4S, ran out of data just the day prior. As a result, his GPS and the language translator are down; both which have proven to be necessary for the survival in these strange lands. And most importantly, the location of the laundromat is also bookmarked in iMap, so the success of this mission solely relies on the revival of the iPhone.

With a backpack full of dirty laundry, Link was off to look for a grocery store to recharge the data.  It wasn't until a few turns away from the hotel that he realized he has foolishly left behind the regular paper map at the hotel so the further he goes, the more likely he was going to get lost. Nevertheless, he pressed on.  Now you would think that by 9:30am that there will be at least one or two grocery store open . . . nope, nothing.  Tobacco stores on the other hand, seems to have a pretty successful establishment here (comparable to Starbucks or McDonalds) and to my surprise, they are open.  With the little Spanish Link knows and his 5 Euros, the iPhone was back online! (Imaging the do-do-do-do-do video game charging up tune in the background).

Link sets the course and he was on his way to the laundromat.  Upon arrival, two puzzles were presented to him.  There were no detergent for sale and the washer and dryer are EXORBITANTLY expensive (7 Euros for wash and 5 Euros for dry, that's like 17 USD)!  Link has the money but definitely didn't have the change. A quick search for nearby grocery stores led him deeper into the foreign neighborhoods away from the touristy parts.  In the mean time, Link texted Princess how she feels about doing the laundry without detergent.  She said she suppose that's better than nothing.  Now Link supposes he has the green light to do the load with just water to save him the trouble of seeking out detergent in the land of "no-grocery-stores".  However, Link is kind of a germaphobe and he would like to please the Princess to the fullest so he decided to further explore this realm.  The store was eventually found and the aisle has been located.  Next challenge: what to buy.  Link was pretty sure at one point he has either holding some sort of liquid bleach or drano but once again with his broken Spanish, the storekeeper pointed him to some detergent tablets.  He handed her the 20 in hope of getting loads of change, but she refused.  With still a few Euro short, Link has no choice but to hit up another grocery store, this time he decided buy some potion (mango juice box) that he doesn't need at a corner bodega in hope for more change.  After visiting three stores, with the last store guy saying "we're not a bank, no more", Link barely has enough change.

Even though the cleanliness of the laundromat is still questionable by Link's standard, about two hours later, he was carrying victoriously a backpack full of clean and folded laundry back to the hotel.

Stats:
Didn't lose any vitality from getting hit by cars or stepping on dog poo
Link may have shrunk one of Princess's shirt
Loads of XP earned . . . leveled up!

No 0064 - Three Mothers

I think everybody needs to have at least three mothers.  Let me explain who they are and why.

Mother #1 - Birth Mother
Everybody has this one by default.  This is probably the one that knows us the best, lived with us the longest and most likely has telepathic powers that can predict our every move.  For most of us, this mother has also seen and experience us at our best and our worst.  From our naked and helpless state as a baby to adulthood; they have both physically and mentally seen it ALL.  I can't speak on all of our birth mother's behalf but I'm willing to bet that they probably couldn't have possibly loved every moment it.  Let's think of it from their point view.  Here is this child that is given to them from birth that they themselves DO NOT have a choice of choosing at all.  It is not like PE class during high school where you get to pick who you want on your team.  If your child is destined to be a jerk or a pain in the behind, you're stuck, this is IT. . . here's the child and now raise IT!  Make sure they do good in school.  Make sure they clean up after themselves.  Make sure they don't get a cold, and if they do, make sure they don't spread it.  Talk about a huge task to take on.

Why do we need mother #1?
For obvious reasons.  For creating us.  For physically providing for us.  Our current health and status that we enjoy now is largely due to their input.  We are talking about years of agony of trying to get us to eat those things that we may not have liked as a child.  But more importantly, we need mother #1 for molding us into the people we are today.  It is often time their job to teach us some of the most important life lessons that  nobody else in your life will ever teach you.  Why? Because sometimes those lessons are not very fun to teach.  Here are some examples.  "Please don't cut your hair like that because it makes you look bad!" "Please stop hanging out with those kids 'cause they are bad for you" "Please stop trying to date those type of girls because they are way too out of your league!" "You sound like a fool when you talk like that!" You know what these lessons are and you know it in your heart, deep down inside, that you are grateful for them.  And with that said, that is why I'm thankful for my mother #1.

Mother #2 - Mother-in-law
More often than not, pop culture likes to paint a picture of evilness when we are talking about mother-in-laws.  I would like to dispute that.  Actually, I can remember telling my friends in the past that I see mother-in-laws (or especially potential mother-in-laws) as someone who holds "the keys to the kingdom".  If you are in pursuit of a girl and eventually thinking about marriage, then it is absolutely crucial to gain the favors from mother #2.  You can think of it this way, when you want to marry someone, you are really asking to be a part of a new family.  Yes, your significant other knows you well, but as far as his or her family goes, you are a complete stranger.  It is a huge commitment for each family member to take you in as their in-law.  In a situation like that, you need an advocate.  Someone to convince the rest of the family that you're okay.  Kind of like a lobbyist convincing congress on legislation.  With a deal here and there and maybe some bribing, mother #2 can sell you to anyone.

Why do we need mother #2?
To be an advocate for you.  And when you do gain the access to the kingdom, they could also be your guide to that kingdom, kind of like a sherpa to the Himalayas.  "And this is why there is a giant purple hippo over the door"  Or "this is why all the kids like to play dress up and make a video of it".  On top of being a guide, they also can be a great substitute for your mother #1.  When my wife (then girl friend) got really hurt from a car accident on our Christmas vacation, she was hospitalized and my mother-in-law flew out.  Beside providing morale stability for me during this whole ordeal, she also brought Christmas with her.  She brought us back to normalcy, or at least as much normalcy as you can in intensive care.  She made the situation less dire and was instrumental in my wife's healing process.  And with that said, that is why I'm thankful for my mother #2.

Mother #3 - Wife
I can't agree more with the saying "you'll have a happy life when you have a happy wife".  She is the key and source of happiness to the rest of your life.  Besides taking on all the responsibilities of being a mother #1 to all the little minions that you helped create, she has to withstand all of your shenanigans as a husband as well.  The wife is a lot like a Swiss army knife that is capable to handle all situations and challenges thrown at her.  She is the doctor.  She is the taxi driver.  She is the cook.  She is the health inspector.  She is the psychologist.  She is the CFO.  She is the cheerleader.  She is the teacher.  She is the designer.  The list goes on and on.  My everyday life consists of two phases, go to work, and then come home and work on the house.  Here is what Sarah's day is like.  Wake up, prepare our lunches for the day, go to a full time job, grocery, come home and cook, hears me yap and complaint, does the dishes, then work on the house and then wait for me to go to bed.  It is not like I've forgotten how to cook or do grocery and stuff but she is just so efficient at it.  I tried to take those tasks from her sometimes but that would end up either with me accidentally shrinking her shirts or adding too much salt on something.

Why do we need mother #3?

Brian Regan once joked about the "essential kit" that airline gives out when they have lost your baggage.  "Here is your box of life essential . . . food, shelter and love (I guess I over packed)".  Mother #3 is that essential kit!  I've been married to Sarah for a little more than a year now and I honestly couldn't remember how I have made it through the single years all by myself.  What was I eating?  What color were my furniture?  Did I have curtains?  Though we may not have any kids yet, she is already showing signs of a good mother.  One time we babysat this toddler that was about 3 years old.  I love playing with the kid . . . until we had to change his diaper.  I was not thrill about it but I though I should learn sometimes.  I held my breath like I was going on a deep sea dive until I couldn't do it any more.  My wife was looking over my shoulder like a master cook over a sous chief.  When I ran out of breath, she console me "it's okay" and took over.   She wrapped it up just like that and gave me all the credit.  Talk about an amazing woman and all the life essential that I would ever need for the rest of my life!  And with that said, that is why I'm grateful for my mother #3 (to-be).

No. 0063 - Occupy Death Star

The eggshell has never been thinner for the government to walk on than ever. It seems like no matter what they do these day, someone or something or some group or some entity from all walks of life WILL be offended. Well embrace yourselves reader because I'm about to vent.

Why do I feel like I'm the only one who is paying taxes these days? Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't the government requires me to pay more just to compensate for other people who doesn't? (Actually wait a minute, doesn't health care works the same way too? I think I'm onto something here!).

But wait, there's more. Last night I learned from NPR about who is going to pay for this two month payroll taxcut. At first I was going expecting them to say the "top 1%", you know, the evil empire ran by Darth Vader himself. And guess what, nope. Not Darth Vader, but the mortgage lenders. And guess who really ends up paying for it? Yep, the ones taking out the mortgage or refinancing (aka people like me). Here is the scenario NPR posed, a $200,000 home on a 30 year fixed rate of 4.25% will be effectively be paying an extra .1%, that equates to about $4000 (and that only pays for the next two months of payroll taxcut).

THAT'S IT! No more of this! We need to have a rebellion. Fuel up the Millennial Falcon because we are going to the Death Star. We will dock all of our spaceships on their docks, that will show them. We will harass all of the storm troopers. "Hey there, you know I have siblings too, but guess what, they don't look like me 'cause I'm NOT CLONED". Where's Luke? Where's the Princess? Where's Hans Solo? Someone should bring Jabba the Hutt too because I think this type of movement should fit pretty well with people (or aliens) like them. Now this is truly what I call the 99% (that's 99% of all living, breathing, crawling, sliming, tenacle-ly things). I can see how these movements are going to play out already. It will take us 6 rounds to successful overthrow the government (and then we'll go back digitally remaster the first three afterwards). Watch out Darth Vader, Palpatine and the rest of Galactic Senate, you may find your Death Star occupied real soon!

No. 0062 - Recessionopoly

Editorial Note: So I've outsourced my blogging to an unpaid (but highly valued) employee, Sarah Chow aka my wife. Please note that the first-person mentioned has been tainted with the writer's perspective.

I am a big fan of Monopoly. I've already developed two Monopoly inventions on this blog: Invention No. 0043: Monopoly Extended Play and Invention No. 0019: "Communist: The Game. So my natural instinct when I woke up on my own at 5:30 a.m. Saturday morning was to play Monopoly on my iPod. And my wife's natural reaction when she woke up to me playing Monopoly at that hour was to tell me 1) go back to sleep and 2) that game doesn't make any sense in today's economy anyway.

Actually, Monopoly is a perfect game for today's economic climate, given that it was first invented in the Great Depression. But I have to agree that some of the details for how to get rich in the game aren't necessarily relevant to the Great Recession. Which is why I'm proposing a few modifications to update Monopoly for today.

Recession Monopoly starts with everyone having property, with each property square having 3 mortgaged houses on it. The goal of the game? Have no mortgages. The first person to either pay off or discard all their homes wins. When you land on someone's property, you have to take their mortgage. And if you land on your own property, you have to take out a second mortgage.

In Recession Monopoly, borrowing money is easy and spending it is encouraged. Things will be a little more interesting with the Chance and Community Chest cards, too. They'll include cards such as "CEO parachute: collect 50% of all other player's cash and spend half a turn in jail"; "Invent an Apple iProduct: collect $500 from other players"; "Discover your investments are in European bonds: pay $750 to the bank"; "Sue for miscellaneous damages: collect $500 from the bank"; etc. And in addition to losing to the ordinary tax cards (which already go straight to the bank and not into the schools and roads they claim to), you can cash in big with a government bailout card (applicable only to the player already in the lead).

Would a game this painful be successful? It shouldn't be, but do the right thing for the economy: increase your consumer spending and buy it.

No. 0061 - Wife-Fi

Last week at the mall we walked past the Apple store and saw a line with about a hundred people in it. I thought, "did Apple decide to open up a club in the middle of the mall? ... oh wait, they are all Apple geeks waiting to buy the new iPhone."

Don't get me wrong: I think the iPhone 4 is a pretty awesome device. I mean, who doesn't want constant web access, GPS support and Facebook stalking at a push of an app. But who needs an iPhone when you have Wife-Fi!?

My wife and I recently have been house hunting. I had yesterday off from work so I decided to drive around to check out some of these places that our realtor sent us. Here I am at the first house as I'm peeking in through the windows like a burglar to see what's inside. Lo and behold, there is a SKELETON hanging in the middle of the garage. Then my logically brain kicks in and thought "I wonder if this place has central AC? ... TO THE WIFE-FI!" Speed dial the wife at work and BINGO - MLS listing. After a short discussion of my assessment of the property with my wife, then on to the next place. I ended the call saying "oh yeah, by the way there is a skeleton hanging in the middle of a dusty garage."

Now when you have a GPS that has been out of date for the last 2 years like mine, you would find Wife-Fi very useful too. Considering the next place that I was going to check out is a spanking new home, the street was probably paved yesterday. So I speed dial the wife again, and BLAMO! ... turn by turn directions to my next destination. Can you just feel the sheer awesomeness of this invention yet?! I mean, does your GPS or iPhone say "I love you!" or "see you at dinner!" every time you turn it off? (Oh and let's not also forget the live traffic report update feature as well. "How's the I90 doing? Are the Bruins or Red Sox playing tonight AGAIN! because that usually means gridlock" Very cool feature.)

When you think about it, Wife-Fi really is a simple invention. All you need is a phone and a wife. It is safe to use because you don't have to push any buttons while driving or look into any screens at all. Just a simple speed dial and you're there; instant spousal IT support. I love my Wife(-Fi)!

No. 0060 - Sarah "The Wife"

I think marriage is rather a genius invention. Two people coming together, sharing everything, co-habitating, co-cooking, car-pooling and etc. etc. I honestly think the global energy crisis can be solved if more people would get married and live together just because life becomes so much more efficient that way. But I don't want to talk about the invention of marriage, I want to talk about . . . Sarah "the Wife".

We actually address each other by that title. Everyday I come home and I would say "hello Wife". Sarah would reply "Husband?!" I'm not bringing this up to be sappy but really, marriage is great. Why? Well for starters, my wife Sarah always spoils me. I asked her to stop but she won't. She would always try to pull a double-reverse-psychology on me. Say it is dinner time and she doesn't want to have pizza. Then I would ask what would she like for dinner. She will stick to neutrality like a snapping turtle onto a fish. After much interrogation of non-option from her part, I'd say "let's have Chinese". Then she'll say "yeah, let's have Chinese" with that enthusiastic smile that she always have. Me, being wishy-washy as I always am, would then say "nah, lets do pizza". Then my sweet wife would say "YEAH!! we haven't had pizza for a long time! I know a place". The inconsistency of enthusiasm is usually what gives it away but I don't always pick up on it. It isn't usually until afterwards or during dinner when she only eats 1/3 of a slice. I would then point out "uh, so I guess you didn't want pizza huh". Then she'll be like "yeah". You see what I'm talking about? It's like she is conning me into doing something that she doesn't like just because she knows that's what I want. Who does that? Nobody but Sarah "the Wife".

One thing that really drew me to her in the first place (besides her stunning beauty and quirk) is her brain. I'm not speaking from a standpoint of a zombie but her mind is truly one of beauty and smarts. I can always take my petty spelling questions to her and she would never judge me. She would proof read my stuff all the time. She knows I hate to write formal business emails to lame people like the United Airline or the postcard printing place, so she'll just do it for me. Besides being a quick-witted-beauty, her brain is also very accommodating. Before we were dating, she doesn't listen to NPR 'cause she said it was boring. Now she forces upon herself to listen to it all the time just so that she can bring interesting stories home to tell me about. Now that we've been married for two months, we religiously listen to Wait Wait Don't Tell Me and she would totally slaughter me on Listener Limerick Challenge (I can never get those things!).

Sarah "the Wife" is truly one of the best invention that ever happened to me and am glad that I get to be Patrick "the Husband". I love her dearly. I just would like to point out that while I was writing this blog, Sarah woke up several times, smiled, snuggled closer, said something incoherent and went right back to sleep. Isn't that just pure adorableness?!

PS - Sweetie, I'm sure there are a handful of grammatical errors in this piece, you don't judge right?

No. 0059 - Wi-Fi Mothers

When I was traveling through China about a month ago, I overheard something that caught my attention: a mother turned to her young son, about 8 or 9 years old, and asked if he needed to go pee. My first thought was, "This boy is walking and talking and everything." I wasn't bright or gifted or anything but I can vaguely remember that when I was 8 or 9, I KNEW when I needed to go pee and didn't need any reminders. My second thought was, "How come this reminds me so much of my own mother?" I can't remember any particular recent incident but I'm sure my mother has uttered those words even in my adult age (I'm sure she said something like this the last time she visited me here in Boston). Sad, I know, but then there is something that is worth discussing here.

You see, for as annoying and embarrassing as these pee reminders may be, more often than not they hit it dead on (at least with me), as if there is this mysterious connection between children and their mothers. It is almost like there is this full bars Wi-Fi connection. This is something that neither needs to be invented or manufactured: it is inherent! Isn't that scary? What's even scarier is that this connection is not password-protected, so she can tap in anytime she wants. If there are anything that needs to be invented, it is on stuff that can regulate this connection for privacy's sake. Something like "Norton Anti-Mom" or "Mother Firewall."

Bladder urges are just one of the many things that a mother has access to via this WiFi connection, I'm afraid. With my mother, I don't know how but she can even hack past my "shared folders" in this "network connection." I've experienced 3 major breakups in my life, and 2 out of 3 times, she called it dead on within 6-7 days of the occurrence without my saying anything at all. My mother usually works long hours so we hardly have any chances to talk on the phone. We exchange short emails and gchat occasionally, but conversations there rarely gets deep enough to talk about girls. At first I thought maybe Facebook had something to do with it, but I think I do a pretty good job of keeping my profile neutral. I like to reason with empirical evidence and I think 2 out of 3 times is pretty good: that's better than a 50% chance. In fact, she probably missed incident #1 only because I jumped the gun and told her, so I may have stolen her thunder there.

Also, another thing I've learned about a mother's Wi-Fi connection is that it not only works on her own sons but also on "across son's network." When I was still in college, I always hung out at my church's Institute of Religion between classes. When I was there, I usually did a variety of things: do homework, attend classes, play pool, talk with people, general goof off stuff. One day, a senior sister missionary there (Sis. Peterson for those who remember) came up to me and said, "You can't play the piano today because they are doing something to the carpet in the room." That comment blew my mind: How did she know that I wanted to play the piano? I do not play regularly but instead on an impulse (in fact I don't think I ever decided to play more than 5 mins before I decided that I wanted to), so I don't think it was a pattern recognition on her part. I asked her how she knew that I wanted to go play then, and she said it has something to do with my making popcorn at the microwave. I was like, "What?! That made no sense!"

Considering this is Mother's Day, this one is for you Mom. I know I don't say it enough, but I love you (but you would know this already since you have this transcontinental Wi-Fi connection on me). Happy Mother's Day!

No. 0058 - Flushable Microwave

I hate cleaning microwaves. Our hands and arms are not good with cleaning rectangular internal spaces, especially at the height they are typically situated which is either counter top or slightly above eye level. Even if you don't mind twisting your arm and wrist to reach inside a box, the stains are harder than most to clean. Debris usually have hardened by the time you get to them which would require more effort on your part to remove. Even after you have cleaned it, it only takes one bowl of curry to bring you back to square one. That is why I'm obsessed about using a plastic cover thing to prevent any food eruption debris from getting on the inside walls of my microwave. But even then, my cover has such low profile that the roof of the cover would dip inside my food as things are being nuked. As a result, the cover would melt a little bit.

At first I thought, wouldn't it just be easier if the inside of the microwave has a spherical shape instead of a rectangular shape. At least that may be easier on the wrist when people go clean it with a sponge. But the greater idea came as my friends and I were discussing this over dinner. What if the microwave is flushable?! Awesome! Put whatever nasty gooey food you have in your microwave. Cook it for hours if you so wish so half of the content ends up on the inside walls of the microwave. So while the food is still fresh and liquidy on the wall, just close the door and push on a lever (or a plumb bob on a rope for the real old school style flusher) and swish goes the debris. How awesome is that?!

*Note: this invention was a collaborative effort of Raj, Jenny, Jacqueline and myself. I give credit where credit is due.

No. 0057 - Smooth Braking Assistance

I few weeks ago, I was returning back to Hong Kong from a remote village in China as I found myself on a bus ride that have inspired this invention. In fact, I was mentally writing this as I was stuck in this "less than ideal" situation. Let me explain.

It has been 3 days since I've been visiting the more remote parts of China. Though I had a great trip in the Kaiping county seeking out my ancestors, I was ready to head back home to Hong Kong. I was tired, out of fresh laundry and was ready to head back to civilization. However, what stood between me and Hong Kong was this 4 hour bus ride. Since it was the end of a weekend, a lot of people were trying to head down as well. Needless to say, the bus was packed. The bus trip started out fine and we were cutting through traffic like a hot knife through a stick of butter. However, my joyride ended about 2 hours later when I woke up to a dead stop. Traffic Jam!! I'm typically pretty optimistic about traffic jams but this one is an absolute doozy. What made this even worse is that I've realize the bus driver can't drive for the life of him. He doesn't seem to know how to ease the gas and brake pedals. He would gun it for 3 inches to come to a screeching halt. He guns it enough that you would feel the pressure in the back of your seat and he would brake enough that you would lean forward. Imagine this for the following 3 hours of your life. It was miserable.

It is now 7pm and already 1 hour behind schedule. Still stuck in the traffic jam and I was starting to get a bit hungary 'cause it was dinner time. Out of no where I smelled this cheese like smell which triggered me to crave lasagna (I've been away from the states for almost 2 weeks at this point and I was pretty sick of Chinese food). But right at that moment, in the cabin of this quiet bus, I heard this noise that send chills down my spine, it sounded like this "uuururrrrghhhg, uuururrrghhg, rrrurrghurhg!". That wasn't cheese!! Someone is blowing chunks on the bus because the bus driver doesn't know how to ease the stupid brakes!! Then it became clear unto me as I see Grandma two rows up has been emptying her box of tissue to her family members (plural) on the left and right and handing out plastic bags. I thought "Grandma, THANK YOU for carrying random plastic bags with you!!!". Then it all clicked for me, "I thought I've been hearing some kid coughing in the back of the bus for the past hour but the coughing sound didn't quite follow through . . . oh my goodness, I hope there is a grandma back there too handing out plastic bags".

The smell is absolutely overwhelming at this point of the trip and I still got 2-3 hrs ahead of me. I thought about getting up to get my earbuds so I can at least mask out the barfing chorus in the background but I didn't want to stand up; I was afraid what I was going to see. It was just then I heard this toddler in the back said "I need to go poop". Now if I was in the US, I wouldn't have feared but China don't exactly uphold the same cleanliness standards. Once again, I've been visiting China for 2 weeks, I've "seen" things. I was hesterical by now. I actually laughed out loud. I thought this is one of those situations that can not possibly get any worse. Actually, now that I think back, the guy next to me probably had it worse - barfy passengers, pooping kids and a crazy guy that is laughing for no reason (Dude, if you are reading this, I'm not crazy). I looked back at my mother who sits behind me, she chuckled and threw a jacket over her head.

As I reflect on this experience, I can't blame the people for barfing. No body in their right mind would ever want to vomit for the heck of it. I can't blame the kid for having No. 2 urges, nature calls happen. Can't blame the traffic, it's the weekend. But the driver, the driver's foot is to blame. Only if he would know how to ease, all this would have been averted.

No. 0056 - 3D Clone Brush

Clone brush is the greatest Photoshop tool ever! For those who are not familiar with clone brush, here goes the crash course. Once you have selected the clone brush tool in Photoshop, you can point your target at any part of the picture and while holding down Alt, left click so the program would register where you want to start copying from. Then, point your pointer somewhere else in the picture and mouse left click. Now you will see your original registered image location showing up in your current target location. Move your mouse around and you will see portion of your image from your original location showing up in your current location; essentially copying and pasting within the same picture.

Typically this tool is used for covering blemishes in a photo such as dust, specks, hairs and other common photography noises in a picture. Great for cover pimples on people's faces or even an open fly. Personally, what's even funnier is giving people third arms or Chinese eyes (good times!).

Then I thought, wouldn't it be cool to have a 3D clone brush? Say you are at dinner and you are still hungry after your portion. Just take out your clone brush and target your sibling's pork chop and eureka! More pork chop for you! Is someone annoying the heck out of you at work from talking too much? Target your co-work's face and clone away their mouth! (This maybe a problem when you decide to give them a mouth back because technically, he or she would never get their original mouth back, maybe this 3D clone blush should have an option to clone from a 2D picture as well). Need an extra hand to do some thing? Want to learn how to fly with wings? Want to have jet engines sticking out of your shoulders? . . . . you get the idea.

No. 0054 - Self Folding Clothes

I tell my friends all the time that to be an engineer is really a sick way of being lazy; "sick" as in we work really hard to come up with ideas and gadgets that would allow us all to be lazier. I think the invention of the Segway is the perfect example. I'm sure numerous engineers have spent countless hours in researching and developing this technology, but to what cause? To substitute one of the most basic function of our everyday lives - walking.

I'm going to explore this laziness a little further. I personally hate folding clothes after laundry. I've always thought that whoever invented the washer and dryer, why couldn't have they just gone the extra mile and invent a clothes folder. Here is my invention, and it all boils down to one key technology that has been around for a long time - the answer is shape memory alloy or SMA. SMA is a material that you can deform in any manner you want, but upon applying heat or electrical current, the metal will automatically return to its original shape. The last time I learned about this technology, people were thinking about developing artificial limbs with this material because they mimic the function of muscle cells so much.

Here is how I would use this material in clothes. Imagine a t-shirt with SMA strands along all the crease line. With all the strands hooked up to a tiny permanent connector on the shirt, all you would need to do is plug the shirt in and it would fold itself. Better yet, if we use the heat sensitivity SMA, then all we would need to do is throw the clothes into the dryer and they will come out folded. How cool is that? I actually did some youtube research before I wrote this blog and guess what? People have already integrated heat SMA with textile, see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdRRy7hItgI.

No. 0053 - A Girl Named "NPR"

If NPR (National Public Radio) is a girl, I would ask her to marry me. She is funny. She is smart. She is witty. She always have something interesting to tell me. She cares about things that really matter in the world today, yet she is never too busy to tell me a few random fun facts (picking lock for a sport! who would have thought!? http://www.wbur.org/2009/11/19/locksport).

She introduces me to new music all the time. And we are not talking about playing the same pop song every three hours like most others but instead excerpt of songs from rising stars from all sorts of genre (she introduced me to Zee Avi, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a46VZ-dE8-4).

She is unbiased on most political views, but yet she is not a push over even in front of the most formidable figure. She examines topics from all angles allowing me the freedom to process the information in which ever manner I wish.

She asks intelligent questions which often times does a good job of stirring up my brain juices, while at the same time also asks questions that make me feel.

She likes to talk science on Fridays (Science Friday) which combines two of my all time favorite things together: Science and Fridays.

She knows how to fix cars on weekends (Car Talk) but then right after that, she'll jump right into an engaging discussion of making fun of current events (Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me), which is also one of my favorite things to do and that is poking fun at whatever.

Though she does repeat herself during the night time (in some places Latin music) but I don't mind.

She is way popular, with lots of people always trying to call her. One time I've finally mustered up enough courage to call her to voice an opinion but her line was busy. I was pretty crushed.

And you know this attraction is 100% genuine and not one bit shallow because she doesn't even have a body or a face.

Some of you may say, "wow, Patrick has really lost it this time" or "that last breakup must have really messed him up in the head!" Messed up in the head? Maybe. But one thing I do know from an interest-based analysis standpoint, that if NPR is a girl, I would find her dang attractive.

Disclaimer: Please don't interpret this as "Patrick's Future (Human) Wife Wish List". I'll never post such a thing, even though this would be pretty close. If you follow this blog regularly, you would know that the spirit of this blog is an attempt to approach everything in life analytically. Please don't consider me crazy. Thank you.

No. 0052 - Vacation Sync

Just a few weeks back, I had some of old college friends visit me from the west coast. In the mean time, I took some vacation to go with them on a road trip to visit another college friend of ours in DC. Needless to say, there were a lot of planning involved but nevertheless, they were good times. Idealistically speaking, I wished some of my other friends would have been able to join us for the reunion tour but because now that we all have graduated and have moved on with our lives, it is getting harder and harder to sync up our PTO to go on a trip together just like the good old days. When we were still in college, syncing holidays are easy because we all went to the same school so we would share holidays. But now that we all work, PTO's can be taken anytime in the year. Unless you plan something out a year in advance, taking vacation as a bunch of friends is nearly impossible. I wish there is some program out there that would simply sync up our holidays, you know, kind of like black out dates. So say you are trying to book a flight for a family reunion, this program would automatically bounce back an error saying "Black out dates! You need to save your PTO and money for the camping trip next month!". Or say you are trying to get marry, have kids and start a family and stuff "Black out dates! Can't get marry until after your road trip to Mexico!" I would imagine a program like this would have only 2 outcomes: (1) all the friends would be able to meet up and have a great time on a vacation together or (2) you would lose a lot of good friends really fast.

No. 0051 - 6 Sigma Idiot

Currently at work, I've been assigned to a project where I have to design a capbank (as in a collection of capacitors housed in one box). Now for those of you who are not familiar with capacitors, they are more or less like a battery. Actually, a lot of them do shape like a battery, but unlike any traditional batteries from the grocery stores, if you touch the terminals, the chances are you will get a good jolt depending on the capacitance. The general rule is you don't touch them unless you have touch the terminals with a screw driver (with an insulated handle of course) first to discharge it.

As my teammates and I are about done with designing this thing, of course safety people would have to review it before it gets built. In my previous experience, these meetings never go well. They have always caused me nothing but a great deal of frustrations and anguish. Now don't get me wrong, I'm an advocate for safety but I'm just not sure if these meetings does the job. I usually call them the "What If" meetings because that is pretty much what the safety guys do; proposing a list of "what if" scenarios with an increasing order of ridiculousness. Here is usually how they go.

Safety Guy (SG): What if the operator forgets to discharge the capacitors?
Design team (DT): We've designed it to discharge automatically.
SG: Then what if the discharge is not quick enough?
DT: We can design it to make it real labor intensive to dissemble so it will take longer.
SG: How about what if it blows up. . . spontaneously?
Me in my head: The box is freakn' Aluminum!!
SG: What if the operator is really good at unscrewing screws and pulling things apart?
Me in my head: Then he deserves to get fried!? Anyone would know better than to treat lightly of MULTIPLE capacitors that are each a size of a SODA CAN!
SG: What if some one forgets to turn off everything?
Me in my head: What if the operator licks the terminals?! Come on?!?

My dilemma is where exactly should this "what if" game stop? The whole idea is to protect people from doing dumb things and hurting themselves in the process, but is there a measurement to that? To what level of idiots am I suppose to protect? Is there a measurement of idiocy? I propose that there should be one. In my everyday design tasks, we often deal with the term "6 sigma". A sigma is a standard deviation. So what 6 sigma really means is whatever we design, the final distribution curve of this thing should fit within a 6 standard deviation window or roughly 99.99966% of the time. Or in another word, whatever it is that I'm designing, it better work 99.99966% of the time. Now take that same paradigm and apply it to measuring idiots. Given a normal distribution (or bell curve). The middle bulk part would represent people with average intelligence. People to the right and left edge of the curve would represent the extreme genius and idiots, respectively. With such a curve, I think the safety guy will have a better idea of where should the "what if" questions stop because now there is a demarcation of idiots that can be saved (near the left edge of the curve but within the 6 sigma window) and those that may just jump into a swimming pool with a live capbank, what I also call the "6 sigma idiots" or people outside the left side of the bell curve.

***Note: Knock on wood, knock on wood, rabbit's foot . . . that I won't become that 6 sigma idiot and fry myself.

No. 0050 - Thoughts Separator

Has anyone ever suffers from a collision of thoughts? Let me explain. Sometimes, when either people ask me a question or I'm just thinking or pondering about something, several great ideas/thoughts/answers would arrive in my head at the exactly same time or in quick rapid firing sequence. As a result, the ideas would collide with each other and I would end up instantaneously forgetting them all. It is actually quite annoying and I wonder if this is an actual disease.

The worst thing about thoughts collision (we'll call it TC for now) isn't just the deletion of the first few good ideas/comments, the worst is when the dumb and irrelevant ideas that trickles in afterward. So for people like me who has a "direct-brain-to-mouth" syndrome (bad combo with TC), it is surely a double whammy.

I was sitting in Sunday School once and the teacher asked one of those "what do you think" type question. There was a pause then TC happened to me, but by then my hand was already half way up, it was too late. Sure enough, I lost all the good comments and the stupid irrelevant one was made (I know, because the teacher had to do some polite patch up work to my comment to bring it back into the topic). After that, some other people raised their hands and gave the respond that I would have given almost verbatim. In my mind, I threw my hands up and said, "that's what I was going to say!!" (felt like an idiot).

I think what I need (and those who suffers from TC) is a thought separator that would work like an inbox to an email account. Something that would capture it all in a flash so I can go back and review them one by one. Even better, have a spam filter that would filter out all the dumb and irrelevant stuff (you see it just happened to me right now, when I typed "spam", I thought, "hmmm maybe I should have spam for dinner"). That would be the best. Or maybe something that would at least slow down the sequence of ideas coming into my head. Only if I can digest each ideas individually, I think I would be a much much much smarter person, instead of being that weirdo that makes irrelevant off-topic comments at church.

No. 0049 - 25 Random Things About Me

Okay, this is not really my invention. I'm just following the crowd with this whole "25 random things about you" movement. In fact at one point, I vowed to not do it but then again, here I am simply because I get bored very easily. To be quite honest, I'm only adding this as an invention idea because I didn't want to mess up my whole invention motif to my notes section in my Facebook. Here are the instructions that I guess we are suppose to copy and paste at the beginning. My 25 follows that. Enjoy.

Suggested Guidelines: Once tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You are supposed to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.

1. It seems like I do not have any short term memory. If you physically bump me, I would forget even faster as if thoughts are falling out of my ear. I also can’t retain anything if multiple thoughts arrive at the same time (I get real frustrated when that happens).

2. I can only breathe through one nostril at a time and my nose choices which nostril to breathe through (It would often reroute the airflow at random times of the day). But when it gets mad or irritated, it would just block both passages. (You can suffocate me just by covering my mouth).

3. I once had a pet “cyclop-ed” parakeet as a child (no I did not hurt it nor did I get it from a pirate) probably because it watched too much TV.

4. I asked Roseanne out to a dance as our first date but she wasn’t feeling well, so I bought her a tube of Airborne as our date gift.

5. Whenever I get hungry back in college, I just go open up my fridge and cabinets, and my appetite would go away. (It still works sometimes these days).

6. I like tripe (the Chinese way).

7. For the longest time, I thought the thundering and misting of the vegetables in grocery stores is all apart of “Plant Psychology”, as in we are trying to trick the plant to think that it is still in the fields therefore have reasons to stay alive and fresh.

8. I once had a very heated argument (even to tears) with my cousins when I was ~8 about how ants don’t have any eyes. (I was behind the no-eyes proposition).

9. Unlike most Asians, I hate seafood.

10. I used to think 99 degrees was cool, but now I think 30+ is warm.

11. I prefer noodles rather than rice.

12. I once installed my camera in my friend’s RC plane, flew it above the mountain ranges and captured movie of the Pacific Ocean.

13. I have only ditched class twice in my entire life besides honest sick day. I faked sick once in 3rd grade and I ditched a welding lecture once just so that I can make it to this professor’s office hour.

14. I get noxious when I smell Spaghettio because back in 6th grade, my science teacher used it to represent intestines to a fake murder scene at the baseball field. He was trying to teach us the Scientific Method.

15. I love McDonald fries.

16. I get annoyed when I see little kids wearing their soccer cleats off the field (e.g. grocery stores, downtown sidewalks).

17. If I didn’t become an engineer, I would have been an architect. (And if not that, then a photographer)

18. I learned how to speak fluent English from watching the Simpsons and Full House.

19. My first crush on a foreigner (Caucasian) was the girl in Labyrinth when I was a little boy. (I’ve recently found out that the girl happens to be Sarah Connelly, who ironically is also the star to A Beautiful Mind, my number one favorite movie of all times. Roseanne accuses me of sub-consciously favoring that movie not because of the story but simply because Sarah Connelly is in it. I dispute that accusation, John Nash is awesome . . . for the most part).

20. I have driven to places before where I would be so tired when I was driving that I forgot how I got to a certain places. (For example, I once drove from San Luis Obispo to Santa Barbara during the night. I was so tired, that I’ve pretty much shut down my brain to the lowest running capability as in simply making sure the front of my car is in between the white lines not know where I was going. When I’ve received full mental power again, I did not remember driving through the switch backs or the tunnel of the 101 and I’ve noticed the ocean to my right. Cold sweat ran down my back as I’ve realized I’ve just cheated death. I’ve vowed to never do that again.)

21. Drinking Gatorade makes me thirstier.

22. I have yet to finishing up using an entire stick of chapstick but I’ve set that as one of the many goals in my life.

23. I hold my breath when I remove the lens of my camera.

24. I despise, loathe and can’t stand the High School Musical and all other teenie bopper movies like it. (Get real and get a job! . . . excuse my candor).

25. I hate insects of all sorts, especially those that can fly and may freak out on you. My general rule is if you have more than two pair of legs, I probably won’t like you.

No. 0048 - Wild Card Birthday

I am going to be 29 soon. And it feels a lot like someone is holding my feet to the fire. Every year that goes by, someone is pulling me incrementally closer to the fire and by the time I hit 30, that's when I go up in flames. I think that is a pretty accurate description of how I feel about my age. Since I've moved to Massachusetts, I've been looking out for a soccer league to join. They have leagues for all ages but one thing that bothers me is that they called the 30 and plus years old team "Over-the-hill league". I didn't realize I was so close to the top of the hill?! How come no one warned me about this hill?! I didn't realized I was even climbing this hill?! I thought I was still in the FOOT-hills!

I'm sure a lot of you out there are dreading to have that "3" sneak up into the tens unit of you age. The 20's were great, weren't they? You're out of the house on your own so you can have ice cream for dinner and stay out 'till 3 in the morning. You can be a couch potato or sit in front of your computer for days, but still be able to get on your feet and play some hardcore ultimate Frisbee for hours and hours without complaining "my knees are hurting". If I can choose to be 20's forever, I would. Even if I can stay in the 20's for just one more year, I would do it. That's is why my invention this month is called the Wild Card Birthday.

Here is how it works. Everybody get issued a wild card that they can keep. During any part of their life, that person may use it to legally keep the same age for another year. That simple. So if I have such a wild card, I would use it during my next birthday and give myself a second 28th birthday party (all are invited). I mean seriously, who really cares about age anyway; it's all relative. Did you feel any different when you turned 24? Not really (at least not for me). Legally you didn't really gain anything unlike 21. But will I feel something when I cross over to the 30's? Heck yes I will because I would be branded as over-the-hill according to the MPS (Mass Premier Soccer). Considering average lifespan in the US is in the hi 70's and low 80's, what is it going to hurt if we can just roll back our age by one year? That's only roughly 1.25% of our entire lifespan.

No. 0047 - Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V Appreciation Day

As Christmas is fast approach in this holiday season, it is very important for us to be a little bit more grateful for the things we may have taken for granted during the year. That's is why I'm dedicating this invention to two commands that we all PC users have grown to love: copy (Ctrl+C) and paste (Ctrl+V). I use them so much that I think the left Ctrl key on my work keyboard is probably the shiniest key from my pinky polishing it every time that I pressed it.

We all have used them, probably on a daily basis. What is so great about them is that they are universal commands that can be used between different programs, even outside the realm of the "World of Microsoft Word" (WoMW). My favorite 'inter-program-Ctrl-C&V-ing' is pulling stuff off of Adobe Acrobat/Reader. It is so easy, sometimes I feel like I'm plagiarizing. If you are reading something online and don't understand a certain word or phrase and it doesn't have a link? No worries, Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V and Google search in the corner will save the day. Got a long string of numbers such as credit card numbers? Ctrl+C & V will take care of you. Another favorite Ctrl+C & Ctrl+Ving moment of mine is when I'm pulling a JPEG from the web or pdfs to put into my power point. You see, I have a pep-peeve of saving separate JPEGs onto my hard drive and then insert my pictures into my document from my hard drive. My goal has always been to keep my HD as lean as possible and Ctrl+C&V allows me to bypass saving anything.

Today at work, I wrote 400-500 lines of code in Matlab in one sitting. How was I able to achieve that you may ask? Nothing but a little magic that I pulled with my pinky and ring finger. Some of you that are more programming savvy may ask "if you need to use copy & paste so much, why don't you just write some loops instead?" My answer to you is that it's complicated, OK!!!

Let us not take things for granted this holiday season and appreciate something that is so simple yet so powerful such as these two quick key commands. Maybe the next time you are cleaning and dusting your keyboard, you can give the Ctrl, C and V key an extra shine so they would stand out amongst all the other keys on the keyboard. Or maybe give those three buttons a tune up/check up every once in awhile. The Ctrl key is very prone to looseness since it typically sits on the corner of the keyboard. And lets not forget that 'C' and 'V' also has double duties serving as 2 of the 26 members of our alphabets ('C' probably gets used more so if you have to pick a favorite one to baby, I would pick C). Since the holiday seasons are also about being a little nicer than usual, I'll also give a shout out to the Apple's Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V counterparts: Apple+C & Apple+V (Unix's 'highlight' and 'double mouse button/middle mouse' are not bad either). I invite all to share their favorite copy and paste moments as we celebrate Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V Appreciation Day.

Note* Ctrl+X is not too bad either, but I don't use it nearly as much. I think Ctrl+X is a bit more barbaric than Ctrl+C & Ctrl+V, as I may accidentally delete stuff when I don't mean to (back-to-back Ctrl+X action will do that to you). Maybe next year I may grow comfortable enough to appreciate it as well. Ctrl+Z is a very strong runner-up for next year too.