Friday, December 14, 2007

No. 0037 - Pirates Cruise Line

There are certain crimes that you don't hear about as much anymore, almost as if they are going extinct. For example, bank robberies. How often do you hear people say that "Boy am I poor?!. . . I'm going to go rob a bank!" Totally dangerous and chances of getting caught is high. Nowadays, you would more likely to hear "I'm poor. . . . I'm going to steal that guy's identity" or "I'm broke . . . I'm going to put a Trojan horse at that guy's computer". A even more prevalent example of crime extinction; piracy! (arrgh) I'm sure this must have been a topic that has been feared by many travelers back in the early ages but now it is nothing more than a joke, a Halloween character. . . better yet, a Hollywood franchise. The matter of fact is, pirates still live amongst us today and still pose a danger for those who travel the high seas. Instead of the stereotypical peg leg, eye patch or that monkey on the captain's shoulder, pirates today carry assault rifles, rocket launchers and grenades. So I pose the question to you now. . . what ever happen to the good old fashion piracy?! What happened to the stripe shirts and du-rags? The only place I can find stripe clothing these days is at OLD NAVY (no pun intended). What happened to pirates swinging on the ropes to get on board the doomed ship?! What happened to the cannons!!? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT PARROT?!

My invention is to bring back those traditions. I attended a bachelor party (Mormon standard) a week or two ago at which my friend, Nate, will be spending his honeymoon on a seven day cruise to Mexico. I suggested my invention to him. I said how cool would it be if at some point during your cruise, some old fashion pirates would stage an attack on the cruise ship (with a frigate of sort). They would jump on board equipped with nothing but rapiers and small swords. They will have eye patches, peg legs, hook hands and gold teeth. . . the whole nine yards. They will rob you at knife point, make you walk the plank and bury you in the sand with only your head exposed (aka pirate's neck tie). Of course none of this will be for real (no one will die) but while you are in the process of begin robbed by these fake pirates, little did you know, you are indeed helping to keep the art of traditional piracy alive. So how about it, Carnival Cruise Line? Maybe you can start up a brand new cruise vacation package that is totally free up front. All the passengers need is to bring enough cash (or booty) on board for the staged pirates to rob from, in essence paying for the cruise. Even better yet, have a pirate ship as the cruise liner where the passengers themselves can be the pirates to go attack on other cruise liners/competitors. Save the actors hiring cost even. You can't deny that this is indeed the purest form of laissez faire!