Tuesday, July 17, 2007

No. 0025 - Self Destructing Wedding Announcements


Being in the singles world, it is only natural for me to receive lots of wedding announcements from my friends. Typically, I hear my married friends would spend in the units of hundreds of dollars on their wedding announcements. And guess where most of them will end up? In the trash! With this knowledge in mind, it makes me feel real guilty to throw away my friends' wedding announcements. With their fancy cursive lettering on its quality paper, double enveloping and along with that waxy paper to protect the glossy portrait, I feel like I'm throwing money away. Sometimes I would have to make sure the picture is facing down in the trash can as I'm throwing it away to prevent the illusion of my friends from looking straight back at me from the trash can. Currently, my system is to have only one wedding announcement up at a time; the prior couple will be ousted with the up coming couple. In general, most of my friends like to get marry in the summer time so as a result, the couple that gets married in the beginning of Fall would end up on my fridge for the entire year.

To relieve of me of this guilt, why can't wedding announcements self destruct? It really can't be that hard. Timer chips are cheap (555, Elton!). All you need is a trigger that would set the timer off upon opening of the announcements and a pyro charge. Here is how I would envision the announcement would go. "Mr and Mrs. So-and-so are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter Dah Dah Dah to Blah Blah Blah, son of Mr and Mrs. So-and-so. . . . this announcement will self destruct in 5 days." There! Problem solve! Of course, you might want to leave the wedding announcement in the sink or something like that on the fifth day before you go to work in order to prevent your house from catching fire. Besides that little draw back, I honestly would be quite intrigued by such a wedding announcement. In fact, I might just sit around 5 days later to see the thing self destruct.

7 comments:

Mark E said...

Lol, this is a funny idea. Except I like to keep all the pictures and compare and critique them. Perhaps the self-destruct feature would then benefit the couples in my case...

Liz said...

I like it Patrick. I would have it self-destruct on the day of the wedding so I could at least remember the wedding day.

Melanie said...

so I guess you're telling us that you threw away our wedding announcement last year huh?? Not only did you not show up, you threw away money & our picture. I am truly offended that you could do that to us! I thought we were friends.. or more like Ether's friend.. puahaha i'm only kidding. We're cool.. =)

Patrick said...

Sorry Mel. How about this, you can throw away mine by the time I get marry if the self destructive feature hasn't been implemented already.

Hilary said...

This reminds me- I was recently going through a bunch of my friends wedding announcement pics, spanning probably 5 yrs. I noticed a disturbing phenonmenon. About 80% of the couples looked like they could be siblings. I think those announcements should self-destruct immediately because they pretty much freak me out.

Patrick said...

Hilary. It's funny that you brought that up. There is a psychological explanation to that you know. I read this a few weeks ago, it is pretty interesting.

http://science.howstuffworks.com/old-couples.htm

Hilary said...

Again, disturbing. Are you familiar with Eugenics? Not that anyone should really want to be, other than to better understand the twisted world around us. Although that article isn't necessarily arguing that we should marry people that are genetically similar, just that we often do. It kind of hints that way though. Look up Eugenics in wiki. Hitler was a big fan...