Saturday, August 25, 2007

No. 0030 - Mood Baby

Even though I haven't yet been married or made a child of my own, I can sometimes see the frustration that some of my somewhat newly wed friends with their babies. Let's take my friends Tyler and Amanda for instant, they wish to make Lillian a mood chameleon. Here is an excerpt of what they have to say.

"Often, Amanda and I find it difficult to figure out what exactly is wrong with Lillian. We end up running through the list of usual suspects: is she hungry? is she tired? is she thirsty? does she just want to be held? is she bored? The list can go on and on and usually does until we finally give up and give her some children's tylenol. My idea would be to genetically engineer a baby so that they would change colors according to their mood. That way, there is no guessing game and possibly fewer visits to Rite Aid to get more tylenol."

SO, if you don't mind your baby turning into a Smurf, then you really ought to consider this. But then again, there are only a few distinctive colors so moods availability are pretty limited and would get kinda difficult to determine once it gets into the many different shades of color. However, this problem can easily be solved by creating some sort of color spectrum detector. These kind of things are actually quick possible to make and maybe it could be sensitive enough to pick up the specific shade that would generate some code that you can look up in a hand book somewhere. For example, Code # 348A-2 (Grey-asparagus): I totally don't like it when you scoop a spoon across my mouth as you are feeding me because that simply makes a bigger mess around my lips. Wow, imagine the possibility, it is endless!

My friends even extended this invention to teenage years and adulthood. They said "this mood baby, if female, could also prove to be the most desirable girlfriend ever when she grew up. When the potential suitor asks her out, he could see how excited she is by whether or not she was a pretty pink or a nice shade of puke. Although this mood girl may end up backfiring in the teenage years since her emotions would be fluctuating so much that either she would look like a psychedelic strobe light or the color frosting gets when you keep adding all of the different food coloring".

Now how much more effective can you get in a church dance situation than this?! Just put yourself in the middle of the crowd and walk around all the boys and girls you are interested in. When the color is right then make a move! (if such a thing does exist, I would love to be at the ceiling looking down at the dance floor and just pick out all the party poopers). And if the color didn't turn the way you wish to after a run or two, you can might as well go home and play video games. You know, one of the greatest battle for singles to face is trying to figure out what your interest think of you. Well, cut the crap and start learning your primary colors!


rule01 said...

I like how you said that you haven't yet made a baby of your own. I just think that's a great way to phrase it.

Patrick said...

I'm an engineer Josh. This is as tactful as it gets!

Rachel Novak said...

Patrick, you are a genuis, why are you hulled up working on banal top-secret missile projects when you could be designing communist Monopoly, genetically-engineering babies, and someday "making" them yourself?

Hilary said...

I think this would be really traumatizing as a teenager, and even as an adult. Sometimes, you just don't want everyone to know. I mean, what if you're 16 and you have a crush on your best friend's boy/girlfriend? Major problems. And what if you are really annoyed by your boss, and this genetic quirk leaves you totally unable to disguise it? It's genius for dealing with babies who have
1. specific needs
2. no ability to express said needs
3. no shame

I say make the mutation somehow dormant once puberty kicks in.