Saturday, January 19, 2008

No. 0038 - Bad Movie Commission

I've seen my fair share of bad movies, but never in my life I've ever gone to the movie theaters and have to apologize to my friends for having invited them to come along with me. The movie that I'm talking about is . . . . CLOVERFIELD. To all those that are within the reaches my voice (or this blog), DON'T WATCH IT!!!! Let my $10 (or $20 since one of my friend is refusing to pay me back) be the only money that all of us will lose to this movie. The only thing that this movie did well was that it setup the suspense through TV advertisements and online trailers. It made all of us wonder "what could be so horrifying?" or "what da heck could this thing be?". Well, the movie more or less in a hour and a half just simply says "here's the monster. . . ra." Monster thriller has never been my genre from the start but I do know a few thing about this kind of movies . . . you never show the monster in the movie at the half way point, especially in its entirety (Oh, and by the way, the monster isn't even all that scary)! The movie overall has no plot. It casts a group of unknown actors so all of them could die at any moment (and they did. . big surprise). There were a few random horrifying scenes, but when you are sitting at the third role from the screen and the movie takes on a home video style of shooting, all the stuff happens so fast that it doesn't really even give you a chance to get scared. I'm a die hard fan of "Lost", but JJ Abrams, what were you thinking when you produced this?!

Here is my invention; a government run Bad Movie Commission that is setup to protect us from bad movies such as Cloverfield. The commission ought to be opening their phone lines for complaints and refund requests right now. I most certainly want my money back. If I could, I wish to get my hour and a half back as well. Armed with the number of complaints received, the commission would then take action accordingly to go after the people that dreams up this stuff. I proposed commission should have the rights to initiate arrests and detentions of those responsible as well.

After the movie tonight, I came home to look for bad reviews for the movie online. To my surprise, Cloverfield had better ratings than I thought. I wondered if the Cloverfield I saw tonight was the same Cloverfield critiqued. Maybe I saw "27 Dresses" instead. In any case, tonight's experience brought the audiences nothing but motion sickness; these are the kind of injustice that I'm talking about which can only be justified by the Bad Movie Commission.


Ether said...

Oh, the Commission gotta be able to do more than just detain or arrest them. It should have the authority to TORTURE them, b/c two hours of sitting at a crappy movie IS torture, you know!

Waterboarding sounds fair to me.

Noelle said...

Perhaps the punishment should include the movie-makers being locked in a theater playing said horrible film nonstop for a week. That would teach them.