No. 0042 - Laxative Tolerance

A few weeks ago, my cube-mate came into work with one of the funniest experience with burglary ever. For the sake of protecting his identity from his "assailant", we'll call my cube-mate Bob for the time being. Bob woke up that morning with all his roommates perplexedly standing around the crime scene. In addition to the tell-tale evidence they found on the kitchen table, they also found their back door as well as their refrigerator door wide open when they woke up. Throughout the entire morning, my cube-mate were making phone calls to neighbors, family and even the police department. I couldn't help but to laugh when Bob identify to the police what the loot was: a box of Hooter's chicken wings. At first I thought could it have been a wild animal such as a javelina. But then again, if that was the case then it would have been one smart javelina to have opened the refrigerator door and leave the chicken wing bones on top of the kitchen counter. As the story unfolds, it turns out a homeless person has broken into several homes in the neighborhood during the night looking for food.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against hungry people. If anyone would ask for food because they don't have money to buy food, I would most definitely buy them lunch (I've done it before). But then again, how do you protect yourself from that? If a burglar was about money and valuables, then that would justify one home owner to get an alarm system for protection. But who would ever protect their home because of food? A food thief is petty enough that the only victim in the crime is your stomach. I propose that we all should accustom ourselves and build tolerances to laxative. For all you college kids out there, do you have roommates or visitors that help themselves to your sector of the fridge? Well, this will most definitely stop if you would put a touch of laxative in your food that you have build a tolerance to overtime. Now of course don't put so much that would kill your friends but just enough to get them sick. Most humans are smart animals, if they get "burned" once, they won't touch the fire again. Disclaimer - I'll not be responsible for the laxa-dative friends you poison.