No. 0037 - Pirates Cruise Line

There are certain crimes that you don't hear about as much anymore, almost as if they are going extinct. For example, bank robberies. How often do you hear people say that "Boy am I poor?!. . . I'm going to go rob a bank!" Totally dangerous and chances of getting caught is high. Nowadays, you would more likely to hear "I'm poor. . . . I'm going to steal that guy's identity" or "I'm broke . . . I'm going to put a Trojan horse at that guy's computer". A even more prevalent example of crime extinction; piracy! (arrgh) I'm sure this must have been a topic that has been feared by many travelers back in the early ages but now it is nothing more than a joke, a Halloween character. . . better yet, a Hollywood franchise. The matter of fact is, pirates still live amongst us today and still pose a danger for those who travel the high seas. Instead of the stereotypical peg leg, eye patch or that monkey on the captain's shoulder, pirates today carry assault rifles, rocket launchers and grenades. So I pose the question to you now. . . what ever happen to the good old fashion piracy?! What happened to the stripe shirts and du-rags? The only place I can find stripe clothing these days is at OLD NAVY (no pun intended). What happened to pirates swinging on the ropes to get on board the doomed ship?! What happened to the cannons!!? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT PARROT?!

My invention is to bring back those traditions. I attended a bachelor party (Mormon standard) a week or two ago at which my friend, Nate, will be spending his honeymoon on a seven day cruise to Mexico. I suggested my invention to him. I said how cool would it be if at some point during your cruise, some old fashion pirates would stage an attack on the cruise ship (with a frigate of sort). They would jump on board equipped with nothing but rapiers and small swords. They will have eye patches, peg legs, hook hands and gold teeth. . . the whole nine yards. They will rob you at knife point, make you walk the plank and bury you in the sand with only your head exposed (aka pirate's neck tie). Of course none of this will be for real (no one will die) but while you are in the process of begin robbed by these fake pirates, little did you know, you are indeed helping to keep the art of traditional piracy alive. So how about it, Carnival Cruise Line? Maybe you can start up a brand new cruise vacation package that is totally free up front. All the passengers need is to bring enough cash (or booty) on board for the staged pirates to rob from, in essence paying for the cruise. Even better yet, have a pirate ship as the cruise liner where the passengers themselves can be the pirates to go attack on other cruise liners/competitors. Save the actors hiring cost even. You can't deny that this is indeed the purest form of laissez faire!

No. 0036 - Popsicle Rink

I went to a hockey game last month, it was pretty fun I must say. However, I really don't know much about hockey, in fact, I don't even know how to skate (I have this fear of falling and then have other skaters skate over my fingers and cut them off, I wonder if severing fingers has ever been a problem at most skating rinks). During the 3 periods of the game, I didn't really have a clue as to what was going on with the calls that the refs were making. But there is one thing I can relate; the fist fight. I don't what is so entertaining about seeing grown men beating the crap out of each other over a little circular disk. Considering how easy it was for them to just start fighting at the drop of a hat, I couldn't imagine how tempting it must have been for the players to keep from swinging their hockey stick in the heat of battle. I would so break out in a frenzy with my hockey stick if some other hockey player has be by my neck, driving his fist into my face. The great thing about this is the ref would actually let them fight a bit and then break them up, send them to their little "jail" box and then game goes on.

Besides the fights, another great thing about hockey is the speed. As the players would carve left and right careening down the rink, and then coming down to a dead stop, I couldn't help but to notice this fine mist of shaved ice that gets kicked up in the air. Then it hit me, what if the rink was flavored? Instant shave ice! All you need to do is to open your mouth and the ice would land on your tongue. How great is that? I've always wondered how a hockey rink is put together in the middle of a basketball stadium. In fact, the very stadium that we were watching the hockey is also the stadium for the Phoenix Suns. How do they do it? How is the ice maintained frozen? Well I can care less about that, but the tear down. . . how would they get rid of all that ice. Now if that was a flavored rink, then you can just open the place up, charge each kids 10 bucks and skate(or shave) away. Some of my friends raised some concern of sanitation of the Popsicle rink. Think about it, all that is touching the ice are the blades which has a small surface area. And how often do people take their skates and walk around town with them? People are usually all padded up to go skating anyway so you wouldn't have to worry about dirty hands or body parts touching the ice. So I figure this, it you are going to melt the ice and get some pump to suck out all the water from the rink when the basketball seasons begins anyway, why not make it flavored and let the people have at it and make a little side profit.

No. 0035 - Chapstick Subscription

This is more or less a follow-up invention to No. 0009 - Alternately Shaped Chapstick (http://patricksinventionideas.blogspot.com/2007/04/patricks-invention-idea-no-0009.html) in attempt to do away with my problem with prematurely losing chapstick. As some of you may know, my chapstick losing problem hasn't gone away by itself. I've tried new strategies where I pretty much treat my chapsticks like a high school sport; there is a varsity team, and then there is a junior varsity team. I keep one main chapstick that I carry with me where ever I go as the "varsity" and the other jacked up one which melted partially in my car as the "junior varsity" or the backup that I always leave at home. The season started out fine until the junior varsity decided to get lost and disappeared at my own home! So then all I had left with me was the traveling varsity that I always take with me on the "away games". It was doing pretty good until it also decided to make a run for it. With both teams gone, I was left with chapped lips once again.

I was actually quite fed up with the whole "loosing the chap stick" thing, in which that quickly jump started the invention side of my brain once again, only this time the ideas were quite irrational. I thought to making the chap stick casing with barbs or spikes on the outside so every time I put it in my pocket, it would prick my thigh so the moment I don't feel the prick (or blood running down my leg), I would know my chap stick ran away again. My irrationality went from bad to worst when I was contemplating giving up one of my fingers and have a chap stick surgically implant where the pinky used to be. As you can see, I don't like having chapped lips. I think my rationale finally came back to me after purchasing my latest and currently in service chap stick. It was then, a great epiphany came to me. I've come to the realization that I'll never get to use a chap stick all the way to the end; I'll always lose them after a few usage. If that is the case, then maybe chap stick ought to be 3 times shorter, so every time I loose it, I won't be loosing that much. How about have them come in tiny eye drop tubes, you can use them once or twice and then throw them away. Now since I anticipate loosing them all the time, that is where the subscription comes in handy. Maybe they can come in boxes every month so I'll always have an endless supply of it. All I need to do now is to convince ChapStick or Blistex to have such a service.

No. 0034 - Butt Elastic Modulus Material

One night, I saw one of those bicycle seat pad that is made of some gel, sitting on a dinning table. I picked it up to play with it and immediately the thought came to my head, "this material feels like a butt!?!?". I pressed it and poked it; yep, it feels exactly like a butt. Then the idea came to me, why can't everything else (bed, chairs, car seats, etc) be made of material properties (i.e. elastic modulus) that is similar to that of the butt. Let's put on our engineering hat and hear out my theory. For those readers that have an engineering background, correct me when you think I'm teaching blasphemy.

Recently at work, I've been doing this analysis that involves creating a 2-D non-linear FEA (finite element analysis) model in order to study some stress distribution of this mechanical connection; in another word, it generates really cool pictures. For the confidential nature of my work, I can't describe in great detail what exactly that I studied on but I can tell you what I've learned from the project that I've never really realized before. Here is what I've learned. I've noticed a trend that when you put two similar materials and press them together and compare that with two dissimilar materials (i.e. one being softer), the one set that has similar material properties tends to experience lesser stress. Whereas in the dissimilar material case, the softer part would deform faster and therefore causing stress risers to show up, especially when the interface is not flat.

I think now is a good time to explain the title of my invention. In one or two sentence, elastic modulus is a good measurement/description of a material's properties. Mathematically speaking, see it as a slope; it is a measurement of the stress that a material feels over the distance that it has deformed from its original shape (strain). Together, they effectively describe how "hard" or "soft" a material really is. Now that you guys are all experts in mechanics of material, you will be able to appreciate the beauty of this invention. I ask again, why don't we make more things out of material that has the elastic modulus value closer to that of our butts?! Let me use an example. Have you ever sat through a high school sporting event at the metal bleachers? Can you remember the pain after the 2 hour long football game? Now you know why it hurts; it is because of the "dissimilar of elastic modulus" between the aluminum bleacher and your butt. The pain came from the stress riser in your butt (the softer material in this case) developed by the hard bleacher seat. Solution: make the seat out of material properties similar to that of your bum.

No. 0033 - Get Well Card For My Car

It is ironic how my last invention was about how I've cherished the memories with my comrade, my friend, my partner in crime . . . my beloved car. Just a matter of a week or two after my last invention post, I was at the stake center playing some pick up indoor soccer. I was parked in the middle row with the trunk facing the church, and sure enough there is a row of cars parked right up in the first row, including a gigantic F350 (lifted maybe?). In any case, towards the end right as everybody is leaving, my relatively low profile car hidden in the darkness of the 2nd row didn't stand a chance against a piece of solid steel with 125 horses pushing it. The driver didn't see my parked car and careened into my defenseless Honda (he was very sorry and I quickly forgave him). Evidently, my trunk was crushed, bumper warped, and side fender bent; F350, broken tail light. I know the impact must have been pretty crazy because as some of you might have remembered from riding in my car that I have this little dragon statuette dangling from from rear view mirror, well, that dragon was found wrapped one revolution around the mirror from the jolt. If my Honda and the Ford had arms and legs, the equivalent scenario will be like having Frodo getting whooped by Evander Holyfield (without the ethereal and the orc sword of course).

So the damages has been done and the next day I was more worried about if they are fixable or not. The catch here is that once I've turned it over to my insurance, it is up to them to determine if the car is fixable or not; in essence, they are really like doctors because they will determine if my car has to be "put down" or not. Luckily, they called me later on the same day that they can fix him up and no permanent damages has been done. Even though he will be "hospitalized" for 3 weeks, they promise he will be as good as new. I was relieved. As for my invention, this particular blog has now become an official "Get Well Soon" site for my Honda. You may leave kind messages or words of encouragement for my car. You can say things like "hey, you'll get a new bumper!" or "hey, look at it this way, now you'll have bragging rights in front of other chick cars from withstanding such a blow!" All will be appreciated. Just to illustrate some of the mental and physical pain that my Honda had to go through. The day following the "beat down", I drove him down to the shop (in which I shouldn't have). I don't think people have ever given me this much space on the road before. People were driving and stopping a full car length behind me; they treated my car like as if it was diseased or mad or something?! It's not like the crushed metal will miraculously come off and jump onto theirs like a rash?! It's not like I'll drive recklessly now because I got this crazy crunch in my trunk?! If you see your friend with a black eye or a broken arm, you are not going to suddenly avoid them like a plague and think that he or she will randomly hit you?! Gosh people, cars have feelings too, especially my car! So there, say something nice. My girlfriend is going to buy balloons when he gets out of the shop, so what are you going to do?

No. 0032 - Odometer Time Machine

The picture to the left was taken on the return trip from a Havasupai backpacking trip that Liz, Jen and I took back in 2005. As I was cruising through the Mojave desert freeway going about 80-85 mph, I can see that my odometer was at 29999. I told Liz "quick, grab a camera and help me take a picture when it hits 30000". During the 29999th mile, as Liz stuck her face and her camera between my arms and through the steering wheel waiting for the momentous turn of the digit, she dared to tell me "Stop turning the steering wheel, Patrick!". I quickly rebuked her and reminded her that we are currently traveling at ludicrous speeds and careening off the freeway wasn't exactly a good idea. But sure enough, the picture was taken and a memory was documented. A slight diversion to the story, shortly after this picture was taken, my gas light came on. So here we are, in the middle of the Mojave desert, the sun was setting, we saw nothing but mountainous landscape and no sign of city lights nor signs. To make the long story short, I freaked out, Jen and Liz laughed hysterically and out of no where came the town of Ludrow ("Ludrow, you're my hero!", I've never seen my car fill up 11 plus gallons before). To this day I still remember that little town that saved us from what could have been a horrible death of dehydration and coyotes attack.

As I was driving tonight home from a game of Frisbee, I glanced down at my odometer and saw it barely passed 66000, then I thought to myself how cool would it be if I can fast forward to 100,000? Where would I be then? Or better yet, how about rewinding the odometer and re-live some of those mileage that I've been through. I would rewind back to 20,000 some odd miles when I was driving home 3am in the morning from the Mechatronics Lab, feeling tired, cold and hungary. Or how about at 40,000 miles or so when I was driving through Yosemite Nat. Park trying to drive and look at Half Dome between the trees at the same time. Better yet, at 100 miles when I first got back from my mission and feeling like the sky is the limit yet uncertain about which directions to take in life. As I think back, truly my car was the one object that I utilized everyday (with the exception of vacations). Everyday as I step inside that car and during every mile that I put on the odometer, I did so with a certain state of mind or emotion; in essence, the interior of my car has captured a snap shot in time kind of like a journal. If such a invention does exists, how fun must it be to be able to rewind back and see myself going through those nervous moments before a midterm or those giddy moments before/during a date by the simple dial of the odometer.

Now I'm not sure where I would be when my Honda gets to 99,999 miles. I may be rushing my way to work, or may have children screaming or kicking in the back seat. I'm not even sure if it will bear an Arizona plate anymore (it was surely a sad day when I unscrewed my California's plate). But one thing I know I'll do by the time the zeros replaces the nines, I'll definitely pull aside off the freeway or into a parking lot, take a picture of the odometer and reminisce the past 100,000 miles of memories that has been logged onto my car.

No. 0031 - Grocery Cart Static Generator

Some of you that has been my friends for awhile, might know very well of my problem with static electricity shock. It doesn't kill me or anything but it hurts and it is very annoying. For some reason, I seem to get it worse than anyone I know. I can get shock at just about anywhere, anytime. For example, one time I got out of my car, walked inside a building, drank from the water fountain and I got shock at my tongue (clarification, I got shocked from the stream of water and not from the metal faucet. It is not like I licked water fountain. . .that's sick!). In another occasion, I was driving with my flip-flops and as I stepped out of my car, my pinky toe touched the asphalt and established an arc. I have attempted and tried many different ways to avoid being shocked. Some of you might remember that in my collection of keys, included this funny electrical looking key chain. Well, my friend, that key chain wasn't any ordinary key chain but a static discharger. Inside it consisted of a LED or a buzzer, used to dissipate the electrical charge. I was so charged up from time to time that I burnt out two of those things. I've tried discharging the static on metal doors with other parts of my body that is less sensitive such as my shoulders, legs, even my butt. (FYI, if you ever see my pant leg dirty, that's because I sometimes press my leg against the bottom part of my car door before I get out in order to establish electrical ground with the car, in avoiding the shock). As you can imagine how sometimes you might catch me brushing the metal door first with my shoulders. Now you know that I'm not so stupid that I'm trying to ram the door down but instead discharging the shock. My current method is to tap the metal door firmly holding my key. This way, I would still get a slight jolt, but at least the arc won't be on my skin.

Now not all of my methods mentioned above can entirely prevent me from getting shocked. On one particular instance, I was at Costco grocery shopping with a metal cart. I was holding the metal handle bar as I was maneuvering the cart around the store until I felt a slight but sharp poke at my palm. That occurred 2-3 more times afterwards so I thought I was grabbing a sharp corner of the metal weld. Then I started to push the cart with my hands gripping the side of the cart. Same thing! After feeling being pricked several times, I started to inspect the welds of the shopping cart and it looked smooth and fine. It was then I realized it was the cart that was shocking me repeatedly as the plastic wheel was generating the charge as it is rubbing with the floor. Out of this experience came an idea. What if each shopper that shops at a grocery store is asked to connect themselves to a store central battery of sort via a cable. As the shopper moves about the store with their cart, he or she will generate the charge and the cable will take that charge towards the storage (i.e. battery). Now I can assure you the charges and current from only one shopper might not be very significant, but imagine how many grocery stores are out there in this nation? Imagine how many people travel in and out of those stores everyday? With this type of masses, I would have to say that this stored up electricity might be able to add up to something. Now it would be pretty ridiculous to see millions of shopper all connected at the wrist to the building because eventually all will get tangled up pretty easily. But considering the energy crunch that we are all experiencing as a country today, should a few knots or trip and tumble really matter?

No. 0030 - Mood Baby

Even though I haven't yet been married or made a child of my own, I can sometimes see the frustration that some of my somewhat newly wed friends with their babies. Let's take my friends Tyler and Amanda for instant, they wish to make Lillian a mood chameleon. Here is an excerpt of what they have to say.

"Often, Amanda and I find it difficult to figure out what exactly is wrong with Lillian. We end up running through the list of usual suspects: is she hungry? is she tired? is she thirsty? does she just want to be held? is she bored? The list can go on and on and usually does until we finally give up and give her some children's tylenol. My idea would be to genetically engineer a baby so that they would change colors according to their mood. That way, there is no guessing game and possibly fewer visits to Rite Aid to get more tylenol."

SO, if you don't mind your baby turning into a Smurf, then you really ought to consider this. But then again, there are only a few distinctive colors so moods availability are pretty limited and would get kinda difficult to determine once it gets into the many different shades of color. However, this problem can easily be solved by creating some sort of color spectrum detector. These kind of things are actually quick possible to make and maybe it could be sensitive enough to pick up the specific shade that would generate some code that you can look up in a hand book somewhere. For example, Code # 348A-2 (Grey-asparagus): I totally don't like it when you scoop a spoon across my mouth as you are feeding me because that simply makes a bigger mess around my lips. Wow, imagine the possibility, it is endless!

My friends even extended this invention to teenage years and adulthood. They said "this mood baby, if female, could also prove to be the most desirable girlfriend ever when she grew up. When the potential suitor asks her out, he could see how excited she is by whether or not she was a pretty pink or a nice shade of puke. Although this mood girl may end up backfiring in the teenage years since her emotions would be fluctuating so much that either she would look like a psychedelic strobe light or the color frosting gets when you keep adding all of the different food coloring".

Now how much more effective can you get in a church dance situation than this?! Just put yourself in the middle of the crowd and walk around all the boys and girls you are interested in. When the color is right then make a move! (if such a thing does exist, I would love to be at the ceiling looking down at the dance floor and just pick out all the party poopers). And if the color didn't turn the way you wish to after a run or two, you can might as well go home and play video games. You know, one of the greatest battle for singles to face is trying to figure out what your interest think of you. Well, cut the crap and start learning your primary colors!

No. 0029 - Google Chorus

Most typical way to search for a song that you don't know: remember one line of the song (ideally the chorus) and then Google it. The chances are you will find it. However, tonight as Roseanne and I were pulling up to TGIFridays, we came across a song on the radio that has caught my attention for the last few weeks. It was a punk song with a girl lead singer. The beat is pretty rocking but I have no clue or way to find out who that was or what the song's name was. I tried to listen for a phrase or something in the chorus but it was already towards the end of the song. All I have left in my head is the tune of the chorus. It goes a little something like this "do do . . .do do do do do . . . .dodo . . .do do do do dodo". That's all I got. So now I'm got a song in my head (more or less just the chorus line) stuck on replay. I may or may not ever will find out who this band was or the name of the song. In fact, I'm pretty much at the mercy of the radio station to play that song again. Now I'm a major advocate of Google; you can Google just about everything. But how about this, a Google Chorus search. All you need is a microphone and the search engine. So in my situation, I would go to Google Chorus, hook up my mic and "do do do" away. Now I must admit all my other invention ideas are often time stupid and impossible, but this one you must agree might actually be doable.

No. 0028 - Excel Battleship

8 to 5 schedule is a lot harder than what most would think. As for me and my work, we do 9-hour days and on certain days, that extra hour is like pulling hair. And today is no different, just like any other day as a hard day of work is about to wind down with less than one hour to go, both my cube-mate and my own momentum is just about to stop. Out of the blue, my cube-mate suggested to play battleship, then I said "we can use Excel!"

The setup is quite easy. Change the cell width to 2.5, draw two big borders as boundaries, add a few borders here and there as battleships and let the war begin! At first we would call out the coordinates out loud but that quickly drew some attentions from our cube neighbors as we were giggling like some 6 grader boys that just got off school. Luckily, our email service provides us with chat, so our battle immediately relocated to the cyber-space.

Patrick: 6G
Mike: miss, 27K
Patrick: hit, 3I
Mike: SUNK!, 20B

The great thing about Excel Battleship is that the size of the battlefield is endless. You can virtually make the grid as big or as small as you wish. In addition to a vast ocean, your NAVY can also be as big as you want. In fact, have multiple carriers, subs and destroyers. Heck, pepper the board with 40 PT boats, even though a PT boat fleet of this size would honestly drive me crazy. So go ahead, attach your xls file to a mass e-mail, get on chat and let's play Battleship!

P.S.- I'm challenging anyone to a giant game of Excel Battleship. One turn a day over e-mail and have a battlefield that will take up 365 spaces (actually a grid of 20X20) so the game will take one year.

No. 0027 - Monsters with Shoulders

I've recently had a random conversation with my friends about the Power Rangers the other day. We talked about how dumb it was and how I despised the show, even as a young child. I like to consider myself to be somewhat of a decent film critic, and I know what I don't like in a show; and I know I didn't like the Power Rangers. The show is so predictable, so predictable that it has a pattern. They all start out with some elusive monster wreaking a havoc, then the Power Rangers investigate, then somehow the monster freakishly grows ten times bigger and starts to topple buildings. The Power Rangers would then conjure up their dinosaur themed robots, get their butt kicked a little bit for dramatic purposes, then they would combine into one big robot and kicks the trash out of the monster; every episode, same pattern. (Unfortunately, I've seen enough episodes to point out these observations). Let's think back with me for a minute. Have you ever realized how all of the monsters that the Power Rangers defeats, most of them really don't have the full mobility of their shoulders? The monsters often just swirl their arms around aimlessly as their death rays emitting eyes or fiery breath are doing most of the damages? I mean come on, if you are a monster and are going to take on some advance dinosaur-like robots, wouldn't you want your shoulder cuffs to rotate so you can use one arm to put the Power Rangers in a head lock and use your other arm to grab a semi truck or something to beat the Power Rangers silly?! (A little side note: I especially love those monsters where it is just one giant eye ball with legs and stuff. Real smart! Let's choose one of the most vulnerable parts of our body, make it big and see what kind of damage it can do. . . . maybe it can stare down something . . . duh. Power Rangers, leave your robots at home because a giant case of mace would be sufficient). So to all those future villains out there that are planning on taking over the world, please, give your monsters some shoulders would ya?

No. 0026 - Call-in-Sick Detector

Call-in-sick. What a concept! When people call in sick, employer normally don't check doctor's notes or proof because they wouldn't want to challenge the "employee/employer trust". Yet, people abuse them all the time. And the darn thing is that everyone suffers when one call in sick, even you as a co-worker, because guess what?! You've just been asked to cover for the little boy (or girl) who cried wolf. What do you do then? Call them on their bluff and don't cover for them while they might be coughing up blood at work, or cover for them and wonder if your co-worker is joy riding their way to San Diego?
For all the bosses and managers and co-workers out there, here is an invention for you: a call-in-sick detector. The detector sits inside the cell phones. It will take samples of the breath of the caller and run an analysis on it to see if indeed the caller is sick. On your cell phone, it will have an indicator showing how sick the person really is; simple as that. So the next time your co-worker is calling in sick and asking for your help to cover for them, check your call-in-sick detector on your phone. If it indicates ". . . strong as an ox", then you could give response like "sorry, I've already decided to get sick today as I'm on my way to the beach."

No. 0025 - Self Destructing Wedding Announcements

Being in the singles world, it is only natural for me to receive lots of wedding announcements from my friends. Typically, I hear my married friends would spend in the units of hundreds of dollars on their wedding announcements. And guess where most of them will end up? In the trash! With this knowledge in mind, it makes me feel real guilty to throw away my friends' wedding announcements. With their fancy cursive lettering on its quality paper, double enveloping and along with that waxy paper to protect the glossy portrait, I feel like I'm throwing money away. Sometimes I would have to make sure the picture is facing down in the trash can as I'm throwing it away to prevent the illusion of my friends from looking straight back at me from the trash can. Currently, my system is to have only one wedding announcement up at a time; the prior couple will be ousted with the up coming couple. In general, most of my friends like to get marry in the summer time so as a result, the couple that gets married in the beginning of Fall would end up on my fridge for the entire year.

To relieve of me of this guilt, why can't wedding announcements self destruct? It really can't be that hard. Timer chips are cheap (555, Elton!). All you need is a trigger that would set the timer off upon opening of the announcements and a pyro charge. Here is how I would envision the announcement would go. "Mr and Mrs. So-and-so are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter Dah Dah Dah to Blah Blah Blah, son of Mr and Mrs. So-and-so. . . . this announcement will self destruct in 5 days." There! Problem solve! Of course, you might want to leave the wedding announcement in the sink or something like that on the fifth day before you go to work in order to prevent your house from catching fire. Besides that little draw back, I honestly would be quite intrigued by such a wedding announcement. In fact, I might just sit around 5 days later to see the thing self destruct.

No. 0024 - Baby's First Book

Unlike most of my other inventions, this one actually exists. A friend of mine, Amanda, gave birth to a baby awhile back, however you see, Amanda is really different because she decided to make her baby shower co-ed. Considering this is the first baby shower that I got invited to, I wasn't going to embarrass myself and in front of my friends because of a crappy gift; I was determined to make it good. Then it hit me, I'll make her a book, not just any book but a book for babies with advance mathematic and engineering theories. Another friend also helped me out at this and I must say, it was pretty good. Here an excerpt from our book:

"In “Baby’s First Book”, Elton and Chow presented some advance topics that sometimes they don’t even know in its entirety. However, this book has come forth targeting children as young as newborns with the intention to give gifted babies a head start . . . a major head start.

Imagine how amazing it would be to see your newborns to identify turbulent flow out of the milk bottle, or to recognize the founding father of Physics, Sir Isaac Newton, before they can even count. How impressive it would be to see your very own baby is trying to figure out the stability of a bifurcation diagram using a TI-86 while other newborns are slobbering on their nasty chew toys. Elton and Chow provide that opportunity for newborns to take their intellects into a level that surpasses any soft felt story books ever made.

This book is decorated with colorful illustrations and interesting looking text intended to tantalize the young minds into remembering the topics presented. It will change and revolutionize the way you raise your newborn."

Side note: with another friend of mine, Josh, we purchased a doggy sweat shirt for the baby as my second gift. I mean come on! Dog crawls, dog gets doggy sweater; baby crawls, then why can't baby get doggy sweater too! Here's the link if you are interested

http://usandthings.blogspot.com/2007/04/dog-sweater.html

No. 0023 - PII Blog

In respond to popular demands (popular as in two people), Patrick's Invention Ideas are going public!! From this day on, the following blog address will take care of the housekeeping of all the ideas to come:

http://patricksinventionideas.blogspot.com

All the old ideas have been copied and pasted over there already along with the comments. To all the old PII commentators and visitors, your comments have been identified with your real name. If you don't want your real name to be posted, please let me know and I'll weed them out and put in place a nickname of my choosing instead. Here is the list of nicknames I'm thinking about: Thor, Skud, Spudnik, Optimus Prime, Bone Crusher. . . even Bumble Bee (yes I saw Transformers and I loved it).

I'm not quite sure how I'm going to deal with your future comments as yet but the new ideas will definitely be coming out of the blog first. Comment at the blog if you can but I won't cane you if you comment in Facebook instead. I may just put the title of future inventions in Facebook just to let you know and reference you back to the blog each time. I couldn't quite figure out the import a blog option so I might just have to do some extra work with your comments.

So tell your friends, send them the link! Now you won't have to be my friends to criticize my mindless rambling and satirical comments.

No. 0022 - Conversation Pacer

I'm all against awkward moments, especially the ones that commonly occurs in office places as you may have notice the office theme in some of my invention ideas. This week, I wish to take on the awkward short talks that you may have as you are going from point A to point B.

I work in a very big office place, which means there exist an intricate network of hallways. So intricate, that there are numerous combinations of routes that I could take simply to go from the front door to my desk. However, on any given mornings, I would walk in the front door along side with co-workers that I know somewhat well. To be courteous, sometimes the person would start a little short talk as we are walking along together. However, on some occasions, those little short talks can spawn into a longer conversation. Can't you see the dilemma here?! I have no idea where the other person sits! I have no idea where he is going? One day on a similar situation, I kinda got stuck to this "little more than a short talk" conversation from the front door as we are approaching the first big intersection of hallways. I needed to turn left but as for him? I had no idea. I didn't know if I should slow down or stop to complete this conversation that isn't going anywhere. Eventually, he went straight and the conversation just ended with him muttering something as I physically removed myself from the conversation to the left. Another time, I was walking with an intern having a somewhat lengthy conversation. I thought we had the same destination until I made a right turn as he went straight. I didn't even realized he was gone until I was almost halfway down the hallway. So I suppose I was talking to myself from the turn on to the point of my realization (how embarrassing).

Wouldn't it be nice to have a conversation pacer. The pacer will somehow know of your destination and be color coded relative to the distance between you and your destination, let's say red means "getting closer". So the next time you walk into the front door, just look for the green lights and walk with them instead. In fact, you can talk your little heart out with the greens but as for the reds, I wouldn't even bother to say hi to them. Also, if you can see their lights are slowly turning red, then you know it is your queue to wrap things up in order to avoid a dropped conversation just as I have experienced.

No. 0021 - Traffic Strategist

Invention warning: this is a long one!

I drive roughly 22 miles to work everyday. I take Oracle all the way down to Speedway. Hit I-10 and off I go. 35 minutes later, I'm sitting in my desk. However, as some of my Tucsonian friends have also realized, multiple I-10 off and on ramps will be closed for a freeway widening project for the next 3 years. We're not talking about just one exit, we are talking about multiple of exits in which effectively cut of all access to I-10 from the city of Tucson (real smart! the person who made that decision should be sentenced to hug a cactus for a year). For as much frustrations this project stirs up, the reality is we all have to deal with it and find new ways to get to work cutting through town; this is the job for the traffic strategist!

I tried a new path yesterday morning cutting through town, it took me 1 hour, ridiculous! However this morning, I've applied some simple traffic strategies in chosing and executing my new path, I made it to work in 40 mins (25 miles - not bad for cutting through town). I'm not petitioning to be a traffic strategist but wouldn't it be nice to have a such a person to consult with? This could be a career thing by holding classes and seminars. Here is a sample of some lesson topics and strategies that you might see in the syllabus.

Choose the fewest left turns in your route:
I drove the entire 25 miles through town with only 2 left turns.

Try to drive through retirement communities:
Old people don't work so rush hours don't apply to them. There are fewer cops there too. As I was speeding through Skyline 10 mph over, people were still passing me, amazing!

Take the middle lane:
An all too common trap as the middle appears to be the most backed up, yet it is the most consistent. You might get ahead for a short while on the side lanes until you will either run into an unprotected left turner (on the left lane) or a public bus (right lane). Another great thing about the middle lane is there are suckers that would fall for these traps and leave the middle. That's is when you drive right up against the next guy and block them from coming back in (it's a cruel world out there. . sorry). I'm not saying avoid all side lanes travel, but just use it sparingly.

Choose carefully which lane to put yourself in as you come to a red light (advance coursework):
If there are multiple lanes and each has one vehicle stopped at a red light, it is common sense to not put yourself behind the dump truck but behind the Mustang. But what if there are multiple of cars? One semi truck vs. 3 soccer moms? Who would you bet on then? How about a grandpa driving a V8 Jag vs. a bunch of teenagers joyriding with their parents' van? These are all very complicated choices to make you know.

Spotting and following skillfull drivers:
There is a difference between stupid speeders and skillful fast drivers. Skillful drivers are good to follow because they do all the dirty work for you in trail blazing and pressuring all the slower cars to move aside. They often blast through a path such that you may enjoy "the fruits of their labor" by following them. They often don't care if you follow them, however it could be a difference of running a yellow or be halted by the red.

And the lesson goes on. I would totally hire a traffic strategist (at least for the next three years) as DOT officials are hugging cactuses (grrrr). But I must say, the only downfall to this new path that I'm taking is that I will be getting into work from a different access point, which means I won't get to wave my badge to this very cool old security dude at the old gate anymore. With his cool Oakley sun glasses, this 60 year old is the coolest old dude I get to meet all day.

No. 0020 - Microwave Network

Everyday around 11:30 pm at my work, without failing, there is promised to have this aroma that generates from the vincinity of the copier; that area happens to be where our microwave situates. And within the minute of this first scent, there is also promised to have a queue of frozen dinners and left overs lining up on the table. This is the exact reason why I usually have my lunch slightly before the "microwave rush". However, on this one day, I failed to beat the rush so I actually ended up second in the queue. Luckily, my cube is close enough to the microwave where I can hear the beep, so I can actually get back to my cube and work while the microwave is cooking. But on this particular day, this lady before me must have been cooking a turkey or something (those were my exact wording in my thought. . . . . ironically also the same words my cube-mate used on her just a few days after this incident) because she ding'd her frozen dinner like 50 times at "forever" intervals. Each time I hear the ding, I would get up to find out she is putting it back in which kind of frustrated me a bit.

Now we all live in an age of neighborhood networking and internet; how about linking up our office microwave to the network too? Here is what I'm thinking. There can be this little window program where it will indicate the time left over on the microwave so people can time themselves accordingly. Better yet, how about have the queue on the network where the program will have pop up messages that will warn you when you are up in "approximately 30 seconds" or "now serving ticket No. 34". If networking is too difficult, then how about those devices they give you at restaurants when you are waiting for a table, where the device will vibrate and flash lights (basically freak-out on you) to tell you that you are being summoned. Honestly, with such a device, it would save me from all the anxiety and false alarms that the "turkey lady" puts me (and my cube-mate) through.

Side note: this invention idea is dedicated to Claire for this is her last week at her office. Like many of us, she have also suffered similar "turkey lady" situations (for bathrooms instead) and offered this solution. Bravo!

No. 0019 - "Communist" the game

I was over at some friends house tonight for a game of monopoly as a fine Sunday afternoon hangout. I've always enjoyed a good game of Monopoly with my friends, however, some have brought up the point that such game could be quite contentious. I thought about it and I can't help but to agree with them. Afterall, it does depict, in a smaller scale, of the political economy that we live in; a dog-eat-dog world. In essence, we all are immersed in an economical Darwinist society where business "survival the fittest" does apply. Why wonder this game is contentious?!

This is why my invention idea would suit those that would perfer a less competitive, less contentious Sunday afternoon family game - "Communist" the game. Instead of having the great value distinction (classism) between the slums of Baltic Ave to the ritzy Broadwalk, the board would be ridden with rice paddies, blacksmith shops, and coal mines. All places would cost the same and as soon as a player makes a profit on anything, the money must be equalized between all players or go to the central government. Instead of having "Chances" and "Community Chest" cards in the middle, it would have "Corruption" and "Coercion" cards. Corruption would have cards like "Pay the central government $100 yuan for your DVD bootlegging establishment". As for coercion, it would have cards like "Face the firing squad for having capitalistic ideas" or "Go to labor correctional camp for going to church". There are no such thing as free parking in China. When you pass GO, instead of collecting $200, you have to instead rehearse a verse from Mao's little red book. Instead of having only one going to jail spot at the northeast corner of the board, this game would have at least six. Now of course the "get out of jail free" card would have to come from the corruption pile. I can even picture the pewter character pieces already, instead of having a car, a shoe or a thimble, the "Communist" game would have characters like Joseph Stallin, some random Chinese guy, a sickle, a hammer, even Sputnik! Now such a game you can imagine would last quite a while and probably be pretty boring. I guess the only way the game would end is when you buy the expansion set to the "Communist" game where companies like McDonalds or Cadillac are allowed to build restaurants and factories on your rice paddies, then things would really start to shake up.

P.S. - Props to Killen and Andy for encouraging me to put this up.

No. 0018 - Clt-Alt-Delete on People

For all those Windows user, Clt-Alt-Delete should not be anything of a surprise to you. For as sad as it is that we need to use it all the time, nonetheless, it is a very useful function. What's even better is that Clt-Alt-Delete brings up the task manager in which would allow you to end whatever specific task that is stuck or not responding. Imagine that function with people. Imagine the next time you get stuck in a bad conversation with some stranger at a party. . . . Clt-Alt-Delete, Task Manager, End Task "Conversation with Wierdo". Then that's it!!! How beautiful is that! Another great feature to task manager is the performance tab. It would tell you how hard the computer is working for you. So the next time you feel stressed about anything or that you have too many things to do, Clt-Alt-Delete, task manager, end task "drop out of school".

Disclamer: this invention idea will not be responsible for any rash decision made nor responsible for any system crashes or failure to your mind (ie going crazy)

No. 0017 - Task Rewarder

I'm not sure how many of you actually uses a software of sort to keep track of daily tasks (ie. Outlook or Lotus or some Palm software), in anycase, I do. My list at work has pretty much became my slave driver with due dates and stuff. For as much as it has became my source of stress, I couldn't describe the joy I receive from clicking the little box to mark it done. Sometimes I would even hold down the mouse button as I'm pressing the "mark complete" button to extend my few short fragments of a second of satisfaction. Here is a suggestion, what about integrating a task rewarder to our PCs (or Macs to be politically correct). It is quite a simple contraption. All it does is that whenever you get done with a task and you hit that "done" check box, a treat, like candy, will pop up to reward you for a job well done. In this way, your enjoyment will extend from simply clicking the button to a lengthen enjoyment in your mouth. Now of course, computer programs would have to be written to prevent the abuse of the task rewarder. In essences, you can't get rewarded for tasks like "going to the bathroom" or "chit-chatting with your cube-mate" (You get the idea). I can even envision the second generation of the task rewarder already, also known as task punisher. Instead of a reward, it will shock you (ie through your mouse) when a task is not done on a specific date.

No. 0016 - Underground GPS

I logged this invention in a registry in the depths of the Peppersauce caverine in Oracle AZ. If you want to read it, you must enter the caverine and find the registry book. Good Luck!

No. 0015 - Life Expectancy Calculator

This morning I've made a determination to pay more attention at my health, so I started to look more into what are some of the health benefits that my employer has to offer. I came across this online test where you can input your health info and then it will give you an assessment of where you stand and what you can do to improve your health. But one thing that really surprised me about this test is that it also asked about my driving habits and mileage (just in case you are interested, if I decide to drive the speed limit for the rest of my life, I can increase my life expectancy by 1.98 years). Then it hits me, wouldn't it be nice if we can calculate how long we are going to live by considering all aspects of life: type of job we do, where we live, how many kids we're going to have, what kind of foods we like, the kind of risks that we like to take and etc. Imagine how useful such a report can be. From a single's perspective, I think such a report should be required before a marriage proposals, or maybe even on your first date. One might say "considering I'm going to die 5 years before you, you sure you still would want to date me?" or as for a proposal case, an eager fiance might say "if you still want to marry me, then we really need to start some sort of savings to take care of you during those 5 years that I'm DEAD before you DIE too!" Yes, death is not a topic that most would find entertaining to talk about, but the bottom line is that it is hard to predict and it will happen to all of us. That is why a "life expectancy calculator" can come in handy to take out all uncertainties so we can make better decision in life and plan up to the day we die!

Digression: I'm currently 27.25 years old but I'm really living at 27.97 so I'm technically dying .72 years ahead of myself. . . I definitely need some improvement here.

No. 0014 - Piñata con el Coche

I was over at a friend's house for a birthday party this week and of course, there was a piñata. Besides the birthday boy, most of us had an opportunity to take a swing at it with a broom stick, mainly because this piñata was quite sturdy. Then I think back, I couldn't recall the one time when a piñata would get hit and explode in such a manner that the candy would go all over the place. Search your piñata memory bank real quick. What usually happens? First thing, the string always breaks first. Then, after you re-tie it, maybe an appendage would break off (in this case, it was Spoonge Bob's leg). Then what?! Then the candy would slowly trickle out of a piñata fracture and would still retain most of the candy. The bottom line is that the satisfaction of the out pour of candy is taken away due to the over sturdyness of the piñata. After a few batters, my friend Nate suggested "maybe we should us a car instead." This is where I took that idea to the n-th degree. Why not a car?! Here's how I envision it. Blindfold the birthday person and put them in a car. Dangle the piñata with a long stick and give it to the "runner". Yes it would suck to be the person holding the stick with the piñata running around in an empty parking lot (with no light poles of course), but imagine the fun and entertainment the spectators will have. To ensure the safety of the "runner", all you need to do is to have an extra long stick which would give the runner ample of time to dodge the charging vehicle. . . . kind of like bull fighting with a car.

No. 0013 - Barcoded Produce

I was at the self check out one time and this man in front of me had like a bag of cilantros, potatos, beets and some other random vegetables (who knows what he was about to cook). Anyway, it took him forever to go through because he had to first chose the categories, then the sub categories and on and on. . . . Essentially, he needed assistant on each item. I think I was buying some batteries so I got out of there before he even got to the beets. Heres what I suggest. How about growing the barcode right on the vegetables? I've seen Chinese people have taped a word on the apples and a few days later, the taped part would become lighter. How about taping a barcode there next time so it can be imprinted on the fruit? I'm not sure what to do with stuff like lettuce or carrots, but I'm confident that with the advance technology and briliant scientists out there today, we can grow just about anything, even barcodes for impatient shopper such as I.

No. 0012 - Car Locator Display

Today, this man saw me aimlessly walking around the parking lot with my arm raised up high with my car keys in my hand; immediately he commented "lost your car huh?" I'm not sure about you but this happens to me a lot. It doesn't matter how sweet of a parking spot I get in the morning, everyday after work, I always manage to find myself walking the "tour de parking lot". How hard is it to put a little tracker on your car and then put a display on your car remote key thing? All the display needs is an arrow, pointing the way to your car. Maybe the arrow can even be color coded to let you know how close you are. I've seen it in movies; car tracker that can track cars across towns. If that is possible, then why not in a parking lot. This seem to be an all too simple solution to a way too common problem.

No. 0011 - Zip-line to work

I must confess that this invention idea won't serve many people, in fact, it is quite selfish but I still think it is a good idea (for me at least). I spent roughly 30-40 mins to travel 30 miles to work everyday. And that's only one way my friend, the return trip is even worse. The ironic thing is that once I've arrived at the parking lot of my office, I can see clearly of the end of the mountain ranges where my apartment is located; it is a straight shot. What if I were to build two columns, one by my apartment and the other right by my work. Connect a zip-line between the two columns and hook a basket (cockpit) on the line. I can make the column at home adjustable in height by remote control so I can manipulate the elevation ensuring two way traffic on the zip line (it would really suck to get stuck at work just because my column at home can't be lowered). However, this invention isn't exactly flawless. One must consider all the telephone poles and power lines along the way; it would really suck to be "clothes lined" at 300 mph while being electricuted at the same time. Also, this can only serve a few people as "zip-line traffic" can get real dangerous and real messy really fast.

No. 0010 - Cookbook for Engineers

Last night I was trying to make some Chinese BBQ pork and the sauce instructed "16 oz of pork to every 5 tablespoon of sauce". I though to myself how on earth can people measure pork with the units of volume?! I honestly thought the instructions were bogus and blamed to the fact that the sauce was made in China and people there don't know what they are talking about. So I busted out my trusty TI and started to do some unit analysis. Given I have 1.85 lb (that's pound force) of pork chops, I first divided it by the gravity of earth which would give me 0.0575 slugs (British mass unit) of pork. Then I ran into a wall, because now that I know the mass of the pork, in order to translate that into volume, I must know the density of pork. I have access to handbooks and information to just about any material properties there are on this earth but density of pork!? Common?! I even have the thermal conductivity constant for bananas and cake batter but the density of pork?! As hunger and frustration begin to set in, I had no choice but to give it up for the night. Later did I find out that 16 oz = 1 lbf which makes no sense to me. Wouldn't it be nice if all the cooking units would just standardize (better yet, stay away from the British units and stick to SI)? Imagine cooking instruction that would say "marinade 3.5 newtons of beef" or "mix in 4.73E-4 cubic meter of flour". The beauty of SI is that gravity is about 10 m/s^2 so that would makes the math really nice. I would also suggest cooking instruction to have the density values of the ingridents as well so I can always calculate for the total volume of the meal. This is handy because I can always solve for the volume of food that I'm cooking and set that equal to the volume of stomachs that I'll be feeding. How wonderful is that! No left overs!

P.S. - I must give half the credit to my friend, Tyler Ball, for this invention because we came up with this idea together about 1-2 years ago and it just came to me that "yeah, that was a good idea!"

No. 0009 - Alternate Shaped Chapstick

I have never finished using a chapstick from the beginning to the end before in my entire life. In fact, I think I've recently broke my all time record of losing a chapstick in the shortest amount of time (I bought it last Saturday, used it like 5 times and it's gone today). If there was ever a sweepstake of a one million dollar price at the bottom of the chapstck base, then I will have absolutely 0% chance of winning that. You know what the problem is? The problem is that most chapsticks are round at the body. I see this happen all the time; I come home, I empty my pockets and as soon as my hand leaves the stuff, the chapstick makes a run for it. Once it gets on the floor, then the sky is the limit as to where it will be kicked to. Why can't they make it in a triangular shape? How about a square? I'll even settle for an oval, anything but a circle.

No, I don't like the "finger" applicating method such as caramex (actually, that cylinder can run too) or the "toothpaste" packaging (too greasy).

No. 0008 - Grocery Traffic Controller

The average temperature to most produce section of the grocery store is usually lower. Some grocery store even have the entire room refrigerated for the produce, such as the one grocery store I visited today. The store (17th street market for my Arizonian friends) is truely one of the greatest grocery store that I've visited in a long time. It has quite a variety of vegetables and exotic fruits, some that I've only seen in places such as Chinatown. While I was still at awed of the selections of produce there, an unprecedent amount of asian people starting flooding into the refrigerated produce room. Before I even realize it, I found myself in an ocean of people. So here I am, caught somewhere between the bok choy and the bitter melon section, wearing a hawaiian short and t-shirt; I was starting to freeze. By that point I had no choice but to crash out before frost bite sets in. After side swipping and rear ending a few people and shopping carts, I was out. The warmth feels good but I could have freezed to death in there. That is why we need a traffic controler in the refrigerated produce room such as this one. Maybe they can establish a loop, or a round about where carts can only travel in one direction. All abandoned cart will be towed at the user's expense. Parallel parking time must be limited to keep the flow going. All violations of such traffic rules will be subjected to the punishment of the Grocery Traffic Law Enforcer (GTLE). His or her job is to keep an eye for any offenders of the grocery store's traffic laws. When such violations occur, the GTLE have every rights to take away produce from violators' cart at the check out and say, for example "NO SHITAKE MUSHROOMs FOR YOU!"

No. 0007 - Vincinty Velocity Detector

This morning as I was about to walk into my office building, this nice man in front of me held the door open for me. My velocity was just right that he didn't really have to wait for me to come, neither did I have to speed up to catch the door; it was perfect timing. However, as I looked back, this lady was behind me about 10-15 feet away. Here's my dilemma, should I wait or should I go? If I stay, then this lady with 15 briefcases, a carry-on and a lunch sac will feel obligated to speed up to catch the door; if not, then she would have to open the door herself. I'm sure a lot of you have experienced similar situations and that's why a vincinty velocity detector will come in handy. What it does is that it will detect all those that are around right as you are approaching the door and measures the average velocity of those around you versus your own velocity (aka relative velocity). And based upon this data, this device will give you a simple go-no-go instruction right as you arrive at the door way whether you should keep the door open for the one behind you or not. As a result, this device can help us avoid much awkward situations of waiting for people to speed up to catch your courtesy. To finish the story, no I didn't wait for that lady this morning.

No. 0006 - Home Depot Gladiators

I'm not a violent person, neither do I condone violence. But, lets just make an assumption that colosseum games are a thing of American pastime, then Home Depot Gladiators could be quite entertaining. Here's how it works. You throw in a few gladiators in a Home Depot with no weapons, release a few hungary lions and tigers and let the game begin. For survival sake, the gladiators must be creative and must know their way around Home Depot because the idea is that they must make their weapons and protection along the way. The gladiators could make something like a "modified morning star" thing with an axe attached at the end of a chain, imagine the damage you can do with that! How about screwing a cabinet handle to the back of a toilet seat cover, you get a shield! Throwing saw blades like a ninja star could be quite dangerous too (don't even get me started with the power tools - simply deadly). Basically, the sky is the limit when it comes to variety. To make things even more interesting, put up those orange gates that would block the isles! Turn the whole place into a labyrinth! Let them even drive those crazy fork lifts! Just remember, if you ever become one of these Home Depot gladiators, just don't get stuck in the gardening section; a leaf rig is just as deadly as it gets.

No. 0005 - Married Couple Foam

It was brought up to my attention once from my married friends that when they retire to their bed, there is this cold draft travelling between them. I can see how that is the case even though I'm still a single guy. Sleeping by myself, I could wrap myself up entirely like a burrito with all the covers I want; a perfectly insulated system. Whereas for married couples, you don't get that luxury anymore. Here is what I propose. Make a straight long piece of foam that would curve on the opposite sides such that it would form around the shoulders and arms of the married couple. In this way, that would block the cold draft between them and keeping the heat from escaping the pocket. Then my married friends asked me "what if we want to cuddle?". My response was "simply remove the foam."

No. 0004 - "ish" Watch

Often time I would ask people "When are we meeting?" In response, some would say "5 -ish". The concept of -ish in time keeping is really creeping into day to day conversation. And tonight, for the first time, I was given a response of "7:45 ish". What that tells me is that the tolerance in time telling have decreased from 60 mins to 5 mins. If that is the case, watch maker should really consider this. Still print in the traditional numbers 1 thru 12 at their perspective location on a watch. But instead of putting in five tiny-ier ticks inbetween the numbers, just print in "-ish". I honestly think that would accommodate real well with the emersion of the "-ish" time telling culture.

No. 0003 - Baby Muffler

Kids crying is probably one of the greatest distractions during church. How about putting a muffler on that kid? But some might say that is so cruel. That's why I propose to put a sound sensor on that muffler. The sensor will measure the loudness to the screaming and indicate that information through a spectrum of lights. For example, green would equates to a "simple whimper" while red indicates "I HATE YOU!".

No. 0002 - Screaming Germ Soap

I'm a germ-a-phob. I think I've read somewhere before that it is the amount of water that you use to clean your hands that determines the cleanliness, not the amount of soap. However, wouldn't it be nice to have a soap that can effective kill germs but also at the same time causes the germs to scream. So the next time you wash your hands, you can put them close to your ears, wait for the "ah ah . . . ah .aah" to slowly die down, then you will KNOW your hands are clean. Kill germs effectively and save water. . .what a deal!

No. 0001 - Edible Camp Gear

I just came back from a camping trip. For as much as I do love backpacking, a heavy pack sure can do a number on your back and shoulders. Imagine this, you are on you last day of camp and you are packing up your stuff. Instead of packing up your tent, you can just eat it up! Sleeping bag? Just eat it up. Mess kit? You get the idea.